Lizz (random_glitch) wrote,
Lizz
random_glitch

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So I have been QaFing quite a bit lately (I mean more so than usual; I have dreams, people. Dreams!) and was inspired by the post on prompt_a_day to write :

I forgive you.
I forgive you for allowing me to take you home (though you really should have known better).
I forgive you for not believing me when I told you that it was just a fuck (that it meant nothing to me and never would, ever).
I forgive you for following me around (until i kind of liked having you there).
I forgive you for turning my life upside down (and my heart inside out).
I forgive you for running away and making me think that you meant more than you did (more than i wanted to know).
I forgive you for nearly dying on me (just when i realized i loved you).
I forgive you for needing me; for clinging and tugging and pulling (and my need to help and hold you).
I forgive you for wanting more than I could give (and for making me want to give it to you anyway).
I forgive you for not being there the one time I managed to give you more (you were gone and i couldn't believe it; i'd been looking forward to telling you the entire way and you were gone).
I forgive you for leaving. (for making me hurt. for the jealousy you made me feel).
I forgive you for coming back (even though you should have stayed away).
I forgive you for losing me my job (sacrifice everything, you said, and i did, i gave up everything and somehow I was the happiest I'd ever been).
I forgive you for becoming a fucking vigilante wannabe (for scaring me, making me worry, though you know i'll never tell you that).
I forgive you for allowing me to push you away (i was so afraid you would be staying out of pity, and i didn't want that).
I forgive you for pushing back (pretend that i wasn't relieved. pretend i wasn't happy).
I forgive you for leaving me again (for the glitz and glam of hollywood. how was i supposed to compete with that?).
I forgive you for returning like you said you would (and for letting me know how much you loved it there. how much you were gonna miss it).
I forgive you for deciding that what I gave you wasn't enough (and leaving me again; blindsiding me when i thought we were good, thought we were happy).
I forgive you for getting along alright without me (it felt like I was drowning without you).
I forgive you for going to the club that night (i almost lost you again. lost you to cruelty and bigotry).
I forgive you for taking me back, only to turn around and leave again (leave because i let you, because i told you to go, when everything inside of me was screaming for you to stay).
I forgive you. (but if you think i'm not following you this time, well, you're not as smart as you think you are, sunshine).

And that promted :

No, I forgive you.
I forgive you for taking me home that night (but not really, because i wanted to go).
I forgive you for telling me it was just a fuck (even then, that early on, i knew it was bullshit).
I forgive you for the months of push/pull (you weren’t saving face, by the way: everyone knew that i spent three out of five nights at your place).
I forgive you for making me run away (but not really, because that was one of the best fucks we ever had. you were hot, and i wanted you so badly).
I forgive you for blaming yourself (wasn’t your fault; was the happiest i’d ever been)
I forgive you for letting me think you never once visited me in the hospital (my mom told me. you really are such an asshole).
I forgive you for pushing me down just when I thought I had finally found my footing (i know that everything was becoming too couple-y for you, you freak).
I forgive you for not being willing to give me what I wanted (”it’s that i wont” you said, and my heart shattered).
I forgive you for not explaining anything (just taking off, no explanation, like i meant nothing. like our plans meant nothing).
I forgive you for pushing me away (and using our friends to do it; that was a new low, even for you).
I forgive you for getting in the middle of my relationship (because you give a shit. you love me soo much).
I forgive you for being too proud to accept help (not that I paid any attention to what you said, as usual).
I forgive you for not telling me you were sick (i found out by accident, you fuck, and i was so so scared. terrified of losing you).
I forgive you for pushing me away when I did find out (you know, your self-preservation techniques really suck).
I forgive you for being so fucking nice about my leaving the second time (don’t get me wrong; i would have gone anyway, but you could have at least shown you’d miss me a little).
I forgive you for thinking that I wasn’t coming back (of course i knew you’d get like that. you’re too fatalistic for your own good. as if i’d let you get rid of me that easily).
I forgive you for going overboard with the commitment phobia (again, the only one you were fooling was you).
I forgive you for not stopping me when I left (I knew you wouldn’t, but part of me hoped).
I forgive you for going back to business as usual after I was gone (felt like my leaving didn’t even register with you).
I forgive you for not going to the benefit, yet being generous enough to lend us your place to host it (if you’d gone, you could be dead. gone, and i’d have never been able to tell you i still loved you desperately).
I forgive you for believing you had to completely change who you were to get me back (as if i’d ever really wanted more than you, all of you. i wanted you to admit that i was important to you; that you would give up your old lifestyle for me, not actually go out and do it).
I forgive you for thinking that New York had something better to offer me than you (why is it that you always think everywhere and anywhere is better than you for me?).
I forgive you (but if you think for one second i am going to let you do any of it again, well, you’re in for quite a surprise).


I kind of think my Justin voice is better than my Brian one. Brian is the Debil. :D
Tags: character: brian kinney, character: justin taylor, fanfic: qaf, pairing: brian/justin
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