Why oh why don’t all QaF episodes start off the good way? And by the good way I mean with Brian and Justin, of course. This one doesn’t necessarily start off with them; rather, it starts off with men who have only the teeny-tiniest g-string keeping them from being exposed on the screen dancing up a storm on the different platforms in our favorite on-screen gay club. Yep. Babylon itself, and those bouncing members in g-string make me wonder every time how much that scene hurt these dancing fellas, because, well, I may not have a penis, but I do have breasts, and when I dance and there is only the thinnest little bit of material covering them, it hurts. I figure it’s the same basic principle, yeah? Things that are heavy and hang hurt when they are bounced forcefully, and these guys are really working it. But enough about that. On to the fun stuff! Like the boys! Dancing! In Babylon! Mikey gets manhandled towards the bar by this guy who looks a little bit like Guy Pierce. He throws out some crappy ass line about being a quarterback (Mikey, not the trick), and the trick is like, yeah, whatever, backroom, anyone? Mikey is appalled. He has a boyfriend! He is not to mess around with half-naked Guy Pierce impersonators! And I know, knew, and understood right away that this had to be some foreshadowing, because it’s not like Mikey spends every single episode getting hit on by the masses. And I don’t really blame him for turning down Guy, though. Now, if it were a Jude Law impersonator, I’d be all over that. Mmmmhmmm.
Anyway, Mikey makes his way towards his friends just as Brian and Justin exit what can only be the backroom, and I think to myself (having seen Seasons 1-5 by now, of course) that either Babylon underwent some major remodeling off screen or Cow and Lip thought that the viewers wouldn’t notice how the backroom kept changing its position in the club. So Justin and Brian exit, and Justin gets all ickified (yes, ickified. Go with it) about the couples making out on the dance floor. * rolls eyes * Like Justin hasn’t spent ninety percent of his Babylon experiences on the dance floor having his face sucked off by one Mr. Kinney. Brian mocks him, too, saying that now he’s college bound he must be way to mature for making out on the dance floor. I get upset, because I think that I may like Brian/Justin kisses more than Brian/Justin sex. I know. I am seeking help. This scene really is so cute though, because you can tell how proud of Justin Brian is. If he wasn’t, he never would have brought it up. SO cute. And the guys are teasing the hell out of him, too, even Mikey (and it’s not even tinged with that “Thank God the twink will soon be out of our lives” bitterness that sometimes seems to hang over Mikey’s head like a cloud).
Then Justin says that he doesn’t want Dartmouth, which is where he was accepted. He wants the Institute of Fine Arts, right there in little old Pittsburgh. Because this is just like that episode of Boy Meets World where Topanga was going to leave for Yale. You know, the one I mentioned here? And I love how Brian is shocked that he didn’t know this information. Because he so listens when Justin babbles on. Why, yes, I do have a shit-eating grin on my face, thanks for asking. Justin says that despite what his parents might want, he has to do what will make him happy. I love Justin. So does Brian, who snarks, “And here I thought I was finally getting rid of you.” But not like he actually means it. Because he is relieved that Justin will be sticking around, even if he can’t admit it. Ted says that sounds like a true disciple of Brian’s. I scoff. That particular lesson is something that everyone should learn, and learn well. Ted’s attention is caught by a head of blond hair bouncing on the upper level. It’s Blake, the twink who put our Teddy into a coma with his GHB. Blake is tweaked out on something a little stronger than GHB this time, however, which becomes obvious when he spots Ted and heads over to say hello. Ted is awkward and Emmett is very protective, which I love. Blake bounces off, and Emmett mentions that he is a Crystal Queen. Gee, this must be what all of those anti-drug lectures were warning us young, impressionable kids about in our skewl daze. Who’da thunk?
Mikey is relating the story of The Quarterback That Wasn’t to Brian and co., and Brian is highly disappointed that his BFF didn’t take the guy up on his offer. Emmett tells Brian to shut up, because out of all the guys he and Justin are the only ones who have the guts to do so, and Mikey dances around happily, thinking of his Dr. Dreamboat waiting at home. Meanwhile Brian is done, done, done with Babylon and is heading off for the home place. He tells Justin to stay put. Justin stares at Brian’s back as he leaves, then immediately turns to Michael. “Where’s he really going?” Justin already knows that if Brian says he’s going home and doesn’t immediately drag him with, that he’s a lying sack of shit. And Brian thinks that he has everyone fooled. * rolls eyes * He is SO fucked. Michael, liking that he knows where Brian is headed but Justin doesn’t, smiles knowingly and doesn’t answer. Bratty older brother time! I love those two when they aren’t busy sniping meanly at each other.
Brian’s “home” equals “the baths”, and all I have to say is…ew. I can actually get behind the backroom bit, really I can, but the baths are just so…ick. Yes, such a mature word, but really, that is the one that best describes. I feel dirty just watching Brian move through there, and not in a good way. And it’s so full of trolls that it isn’t even funny. I mean really. Even Kip “Crater Face” Thomas was better than these guys. * sighs * Oh, well. Brian doesn’t actually get any, anyway. What he does get is an eyeful of David, who is getting a hand job from some random trick. Ooooooooooooh. No wonder he didn’t want to drop his towel when Brian asked…and oh, God, it just occurred to me that Brian might have wanted David to drop his towel for reasons that I really, really shouldn’t think about unless I want to be sick. Sorry, Chris Potter (or David/Brian) fans, but…no. Just, no. Brain bleach only works so many times before it starts to lose its effectiveness.
Meanwhile, at Babylon, Ted has found the Crystal!Twink passed out on the bathroom floor in a puddle of his own vomit. Nice. He helps him, because let’s face it, Teddy kind of is a glutton for punishment. It’s kind of creepy how everyone at Babylon just kind of walks around Blake like he doesn’t exist, though. Ted recruits Emmett to take Blake to the hospital. Emmett could care less. He is still pissed off at Blake for fucking Ted up, which I don’t blame him for. He wants to leave Blake at the hospital, and I am all for that, too. Ted, however, isn’t, so Emmett leaves him. I don’t blame him.
David gets home from his “dinner”, and is all turned on and wants to bone, bone, bone. I do a lot of cringing. But the scene isn’t that long, thank goodness.
Morning. Deb yells at Justin to get his bum downstairs and eat. Justin lectures Deb about how he can’t just roll out of bed and look fab; oh no. It takes time and preparation. He is so cute. Vic is all, “I roll out of bed and look like this”. I love Vic. Deb begins to lecture Justin about his partying ways, which he kind of ignores while he shovels pancakes into his mouth. Trying to be all nonchalant, Deb hands him an envelope from PIFA. He cant open it, and I am so with him on this. If I had ever had the balls to apply to my dream school, something tells me that I wouldn’t have ever fucking opened the letter. Mostly because I didn’t have Deb, who gets frustrated and opens it for him. And okay, I so knew that he was getting in, but I still got all happy with them when Deb told him. I didn’t jump around though. No way. * looks shifty *
Ted actually does stay in the hospital with Blake, right next to him and holding his hand, and see, this is why part of me always wants to slap him. It’s like, dude, c’mon. Why are you asking to get hurt all the time? Because it is weird, to me, that Ted would attach himself to a man who would cause him to overdose and then just kind of leave him there, even if he did call an ambulance first. Blake wakes up, and needs sugar. He devours the pack of lifesavers that Ted has on him. He realizes he has no clothes, and then admits that he has no home to go to. Guess what Teddy does? Yep. Offers the twink a place to stay. Oh, Teddy. I do feel for Blake, I really do, but I don’t believe him when he says that he is going to stop. It’s never that easy, and I know that it is going to suck watching Teddy get put through the crap that Blake’s issues are going to cause.
Gym. Mikey is regaling the menfolk with tales of his and David’s night. Brian is hinting without actually coming out and saying that David is a lying, cheating buttface. Because what he is doing is cheating. He is going outside of the bounds of what he and Michael consider their relationship to be. And that is cheating. Dammit. But Brian doesn’t tell Mikey what Davey is up to. Emmett shares his own bath story, about some celeb sitting with his ass up, begging to be fucked. So he did. Oh, Em. Ted comes by and there is more talk of Blake the twinked out twinkie wonder. And we find out that he will be saying with Ted. Because Ted is a glutton for punishment.
Justin visits Jen to tell her about PIFA. Jen is a little less than pleased that Justin will not be going to his father’s alma mater. She says that his father will be disappointed. So what? This is the greatest time for Justin to find out that his parents are getting themselves a divorce, and his mother is selling the house. Holee shit. But for about three seconds there I totally thought Jen was gonna do the “Sometimes, when two people love each other, they still find that they cant be together…” spiel, leading up to the ever popular, “Now, this isn’t your fault, and we both still love you.” But she doesn’t, and Justin is stunned. I feel for him, but I am still glad that Jen is leaving the homophobic prick that she married.
At the diner, David is being all sweet with Mikey. Aww. Not. Brian comes in and makes a point to torture David with what he knows, while still leaving Mikey in the dark. And randomly, looks really, really pretty in that blue sweater. I think it might just be. Sweet. Outside, David bluntly asks Brian if he is going to tell him. Brian says no, because he doesn’t believe in all that monogamy BS, but that he better not hurt him. Because no one gets to hurt Mikey, unless they are throwing him surprise birthday parties that practically kill him, but are ultimately for his own good.
Ted goes home, and Blake is cooking. He gives Ted water and Ted gets slightly creeped. Not that he shouldn’t be, of course. He puts on some opera, and explains it to Blake. Of course the opera kind of mirrors their situation perfectly, because that is how things work here. Then Blake sexes Ted up. And Scott Lowell is really freaking good at that hurt puppy look. Makes me want to hug him.
All is well and happy again with the lesbians, because all one really needs in life is Brian signing over his rights to his kid to make things all hunky dory. Yes, I am still a little bitter about that. They have a gift for Justin. A really nice set of supplies complete with wooden carrying case. And you know what? Say what you will about those two, but I will always love them both, simply because they have the good sense to adore Justin. I know, I know. I really am that easy. And he loves it, too. He’s fucking fondling the damn thing. But Justin refuses the pretty gift. He is going to Dartmouth. WTF?? Mel and Linds don’t get it, either.
David finally tells clueless Michael about his night at the baths. Mikey is NOT pleased. In fact, he is kind of furious. Which I don’t blame him for. Like I said, it’s all about the perimeters, and David went outside of them. He goes crying to his friends, where he finds out that Brian knew what was up. Then he gets in his face for not saying anything. Brian says simply that Mikey wouldn’t have believed him, anyway. He would have just thought that Brian was trying to break them up. Then Brian says that Mikey has to decide what he is going to do. If his relationship is really worth fucking up over this, or if he’s willing to compromise. At least, that is the gist of it.
Ted goes to get gas and cant find his wallet. Uh, oh. Then he goes home to find Blake, with new stuff, like an opera for him. Ted throws a fit, and kicks him out. Blake takes off.
Deb confronts Justin about throwing away his art. Justin admits that he is going to Dartmouth, because he thinks that it’s his fault that his parents are divorcing. He thinks that if he goes there, then they will stay together. Deb tells him to shove that opinion up his cute little ass. She basically tells him not to fuck up his life because his parent’s fucked up theirs. I am with Deb.
Mikey calls the Guy impersonator. They start making out. Oooooh.
Em helps Ted flip out some more about Blake, and then guess what they find? Teddy’s wallet. They go to Babylon, and Brian snarks as Ted goes off to find Blake. It makes Emmett practically snort his beer. Hee.
Justin is upset and trying to get a beer, but cant without ID. Something tells me that this bartender is just being an ass, because, well, Justin drinks at Babylon, right? I mean, he didn’t randomly just think that he had the right to buy a beer, did he? Oh well, it’s a good opportunity for Brian to come and buy him a drink, so I wont complain. They’re matching and cute and I bounce. Brian rags on Justin big time about choosing Dartmouth, and Justin tells him to fuck off. I’m telling you, the only two people I ever see do this are Emmett and Justin. Really. Brian keeps getting in Justin’s face and accuses him of being scared, “Just like the night you met me”. Justin glares. Brian presses what he thinks is his advantage. “I was sure you’d run home. But you didn’t. You said: I’m going with him.”
Justin’s face gets all glowy for about two seconds, and Brian thinks that he has won, but then he snarks, “I cannot believe you remembered that, considering you couldn’t even remember my name.” And am I the only one hearing Justin calling “BULLSHIT” on that part? Brian grins. “And look what happened.” And look what happened. Brian wound up with a twink that he cares enough about to seek him out and try and help him see that ignoring what he was meant to do in favor of playing the martyr is ridiculous. Something that he only does for the people he cares about. Oh, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Brian is FUCKED. Justin: “I turned into a big queer”. Turned, Justin? Puh-leeeze. And Brian is kind of gazing at Justin and it really is so sweet. ” But it’s too late now. There’s no turning back” . For you either, Bri baby. Then he pulls his Boy Wonder out onto the dancefloor, where they proceed to make out. Justin doesn’t seem to find it so juvenile anymore. I thank my lucky stars, because Brian and Justin kisses are love, people. Brian and Justin kisses are love.
Mikey goes home to David, and they work out their issues. Michael admits that he called a guy to get with, but that it didn’t happen. He says that they are going to fuck up, because they are guys, but that they can get through it, because they love each other. I think that Hal Sparks does a really good job with this scene.
Justin goes home and is inspired by his jean jacket to tell Dartmouth to fuck off…only more politely. He is a WASP, you know.
The end. For now. :)