Oookay, no more watching Invader Zim before bed. “doom…doom…doom…go home now.” Hee. *clears throat* Yes, QaF. Ahem.
We start off yet another happy episode with Brian, working. Yay for Brian working. He is with the retard twins, as I like to call him. They have a presentation for him. For shoes. Some really butt ugly shoes, mind. Shoes that I would probably wear actually, just for the shock factor and having people tell me, “I cannot believe you put those hideous things on your feet.” They kind of remind me of bowling shoes, actually, and lord knows I really do want a set of those. But enough about the shoes. There is a new and eager face that pops in the door before they can make their presentation, though. It is New Kid (also known as Kip, but we don’t care-leastways not yet), and he is there to observe. Daddy (or Ryder) said so. Brian doesn’t care. New Kid sits on the couch to do his observng while the twins fuck up yet another presentation. I tell you, if Brian weren’t here to sex things up, we’d all be lost. Kip then gets a bright idea. Shoes with thought-bubbles! I don’t particularly like it, but that must be why I am not an ad man. Woman. Whatever. Brian is impressed. New kid snags the presentation-and even better, Brian’s attention-away from the ‘tards. They are all, “No you didn’” and Brian’s like, “yes I did” complete with the head roll and snappy fingers. Okay, not really, but in my head, yes. New Kid is bouncy. Uncle Brian likes him. He really, really does!
Meanwhile, Mel and Linds are having a baby shower for a friend. Is this on a different day than Brian and New Kid’s meeting? Because if it is a weekday, then how can Mel be home? Isn’t she putting in all these extra hours for Linds to stay home with Gussy? I am slightly obsessed. I guess that it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that all the lesbians adore Mel and Linds. They are the pioneers of lesbiandom. At least in the Pitts. They boldly went where no lesbian (in the Pitts) had gone before and had themselves a baby. They paved the way for future lesbian couples (in the Pitts) to get pregnant. Go, Mel and Linds. And after this, all the couples can argue night and day to be truly like their idols. Mel is so over the baby thing. Completely and totally. Lindsay is very good at pretending nothing is wrong. Mel goes off to get punch, and meets *dum dum dadum* The Homewrecker. Her name is Maryanne, I think, and she and Mel hit it off right away. They are a lot alike, or at least they would be if Mel weren’t married with a kid. Nope, cant see where this is going at all.
The guys are at Woody’s, and Emmett is still trying to “See the Light.” Only, he is having problems due to the fact that he is a flaming homo. That might be a bit of a problem, there. Of course, Ted and Mikey aren’t helping things by pointing out the hotness, and Brian’s talk of P-town isn’t helping, either. Brian rubs it in that Mikey is married and cannot go, and Emmett calls his cult friend Matt or Mike or whoeverthefuck. The guy with the scary eyes. The scary eye’d man says that he used to be just like Emmett. Who knew that there was a straight computer budget analyst dying to get out? Ew-w-w-w. Not all straight people are that boring, dude. And not all gay people are that exciting. Look at Ted. Plus, Em as a budget analyst? Hee. Right. While he’s at it, he can also decide to be strai-oh, yeah. Right.
At Ryder’s, New Boy is all cheerful about his presentation, and very grateful to Brian for giving him the chance to shine. So grateful, in fact, that he sticks his hand down Brian’s pants. Now that is how I like my men to show their appreciation. Brian does too, because he promptly locks his door and throws New Boy across his desk to continue their ‘discussion’. And this proves that it is totally fandom that Brian doesn’t fuck anyone face to face except Justin. Because it sure looks to me like Kip and Brian are facing each other. Though I think that it would be better if they weren’t; New Boy is not pretty. At all. What is it with Brian and ugly men? He got so lucky with Justin, lemme tell ya.
At Emmett’s place, he is busy getting rid of all of his gay paraphernalia. All the porn, all the Barbara Streisand. OH, Barbara! Mikey and Teddy show up to say howdy to their best friend, and get out of Emmett why he is house cleaning. They think that it is weird; and they resolve to help Emmett to stop being retarded. Because they are good, non-cultish friends.
Brian’s loft, and Brian is once again telling Justin the facts of life. Namely, the one Brian Kinney does not do dates. Oh, no, sir. Justin doesn’t care about that. He just wants to dance. With Brian. Who dances like a stork. An attractive stork, to be sure, but a stork nonetheless. Brian looks at Justin for a bit, then turns him down. It takes a few seconds though, and I like to believe that he was a bit closer to saying yes than he wanted to be. Either way, it’s moot. He has work to do. As Justin points out, that’s never stopped him before. But I guess this time he has to work because he has someone coming over. It is New Boy. Justin is curious, but not upset. Brian kicks him out, and Justin goes, laughing. He doubles back though, to catch a glimpse of this guy that Brian is going to be working with. He’ll need his uber-stalker skills later, so this is a good thing, even though at first it just looks like he’s too nosy for his own good…which he is, of course.
So Brian is ready to get to work. He gives Pockmarked Boy (I needed a new name for him; New Boy was getting kind of…old) a beer and goes to get some work stuff. He is kind of irritated with him this whole time, because Pockmarked Boy is commenting on his loft and wandering around too much. See, this is why tricking at work isn’t smart. You still have to see your trick on a daily basis. Ugh. While Brian comes over with his work, he sees that Pockmarked Boy is also Slut Boy, as well as Undresses Rather Quickly Boy, for there he is, all naked and spread out on Brian’s bed. And Brian, being the gynormous slutbag that he is, decides that he won’t pass it up even though he’s already had the guy and now only finds him mildly irritating. So there goes the second fandom belief that Brian never did tricks twice. He did, if they waved their bare butt at him. Justin was the only one who didn’t have to literally strip to get his attention after that first time, though.
Mel and Linds are still arguing, and Mel is trying to work. She says something here that makes me want to slap her. She tells Linds something along the lines of “I’m working these extra hours so that you can spend time with your son, so go. Spend time with your son.” WTF, Melanie? Linds gets upset, and rightly so, and Mel leaves. She calls the Homewrecker and they go out for a smoke and a fuck. What? That was what Mel was angling for the whole time, and everyone knows it. So she gets what she wants and returns to Linds, feeling guilty. But because she feels guilty she takes it out on Lindsay, who is already in bed and just mentions that Mel was out late. Doesn’t even sound suspicious. Poor Lindsay.
Ryder again-and I think that this is the most time we’ve ever seen Brian working. Must be because of Opportunist Boy (got bored with the other), who asks if Brian will put him up for a promotion. First, though, he asks Brian on a date. Idiot. Brian tells him that he’s not ready. For the promotion, not the date, which will never be happening in this lifetime. He said no to pretty blond Justin, he definitely wont say yes to someone with pockmarks all over his face. But why no promotion? I mean, he did do better than the retard twins with that presentation and all, even if the idea sucked. Which it really, really did. A thought bubble…*rolls eyes* Opportunist Boy is disappointed. He thought that because Brian and he screwed around, Brian owes him something. Brian thinks this is funny. I do, too. If Brian “helped out” every person he fucked, half of Pittsburgh would never need to work again. No, make that seventy-five percent. Yeah, that’s better. Opportunist Boy is not pleased, and storms away. Brain couldn’t care less.
You know, there seems to be precious little Justin in this ep. That makes me sad. But we get to see his cute little behind at Woody’s. The guys are discussing Emmett again, what with is Seeing the Light. Meh. Is this plotline over yet? I want my Emmett back, dammit! Justin knows who Zach O’ Tool is. Brian says that those who can, do, and those who can’t, watch porn. Brian must be special, because he does both. He gets a gold star. He follows a trick to the backroom, and both Mikey and Ted turn to check out Justin’s reaction. He’s got his nose wrinkled, but in less of an “I’m insanely jealous” and more in a “why does Brian never pick up anyone hot?” way. He’s so cute.
In the backroom, Brian loses his trick but runs into Opportunist Boy, who has now become Whiney Stoner Boy. He’s upset because he didn’t get considered for the promotion because Brian wouldn’t put him up for it. Brian’s like, “Yeah, okay, you’re smart, but you’re still not ready.” Whiney Stoner Boy cries that if they don’t help each other, who else will? Brian says that if he wants to get ahead, he needs to be more like Brian. By going after what he wants, and proving that he’s the best. Then he tells Whiney Stoner Boy not to drink while drugged up, and says, “There. I helped you out.” Whiney Stoner Boy’s eyes narrow as Brian leaves. I smell trouble.
Mikey and Ted have decided that there is only one way to help Emmett. That is to get Zach O’ Tool (who apparently rapes everyone in his movies. Niiice.) to let Emmett blow him. This costs them (well, Ted, really) a thousand big ones, which he pays. Wow. Now that’s friendship. But Emmett doesn’t do it, and when he finds out that it was Mikey and Ted who paid him to stop by, drops them like hot coals. Em is seriously fuckered up, man. Because he’s in a CULT! Manson said that he worshipped God, too, you know. Before he decided that he was God, at any rate.
Mel and Linds’ lesbian friend had her baby, and everyone is there to see it. Except Mel, who is somewhere or other. Linds and the Homewrecker start to talk, and the Homewrecker says that she should hold on to what she has with Mel. Linds is confused, but gracious. Mel finally appears, then leaves when it becomes all to much for her. Lindsay follows her out, and says that maybe they should try that therapist that Mel wanted to go see. Mel thinks it is much too late for that, however, and tells Lindsay of her cheating. Lindsay wants to know who; Mel says it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if Linds figures it out, but either way she is devastated and walks out of the hospital, leaving Mel to slump against the wall and feel like shit. She should. She decides to move out, and the lesbians now have their share of angst. Cool.
Meanwhile, Brian is preparing to go on some sort of business trip for Liberty Air. He’s all smug until Daddy (Ryder) comes in to inform him that he isn’t going anywhere. Brian: Wha? It seems that one Kip Thomas (also known in certain corners as New Boy, Pockmarked Boy, Opportunist Boy, Whiney Stoner Boy, and now Sneaky Rat Bastard) has decided to sue Brian for sexual harassment. He’s claiming that Brian coerced sexual favors out of him by promising that he would promote him. Now Brian has to make a case for himself, otherwise none of the people with the big accounts will touch him. Right. Brian is suddenly not very pleased. Something tells me that his stress ball didn’t last the rest of the day.