We start 111 with the guys walking down Liberty Avenue and Brian teasing Michael about his upcoming thirtieth. I never get what Brian’s whole stigma about being thirty is. I mean, he’s still got quite a good portion of his life left to fuck. I just don’t get it. * shakes head * It is breakfast time, though, and that means that the Liberty Diner is where the boys are headed. They enter, and Michael makes noise about how it’s a good thing that he and Davey broke it off, since he isn’t sure how long he’ll have to live. Dumb line, considering that David is like, forty. But it’s a good way to steer the convo towards Mikey’s love life, which we all know he’s hoping to spice up with a little Brian. Talk is of course about sex, and Michael says that it wasn’t that great. Em and Ted call him on it quickly enough, and he admits that yeah the sex was awesome, but that it got old, always sleeping with the same person. It strikes my attention that he very pointedly does not look at Brian when he says this. Brian doesn’t notice. He’s too busy saying that he wouldn’t know about that. That’s right, he wouldn’t, because even though he likes to fuck Justin’s brains out when he can, it hasn’t gotten old at all. Oh, yeah, and he tricks like a great big tricking thing.
“Hey busboy!” Brian yells, and who else but Justin turns around to give him the finger. Love his expression. Brian rudely asks for some water, and Justin brings it to them, sticking his fingers in the water itself-presumably to carry all four of the glasses at once, but IMO he was just aiming to piss Brian off. And it works-on both Emmett and Mikey, at least. Em is the only one who’s pissed about the water though; he smacks Justin’s hand as he pulls away from the glasses. Great moment. Mikey is just pissy that he cant get rid of the twink. “You live in my room in my mother’s house, you work where I eat. I cant get rid of you, can I?” Me: “You forgot fuck my best friend, Mikey!” Brian is making Justin work his cute little tip-earning bum off to pay for the charges on his credit card. But you know what? Somehow I really don’t think that Brian ever actually makes Justin pay him back for the charges. Deb asks where David is, and Michael very obviously lies his butt off. Deb isn’t fooled, and Brian is so-not smug, exactly. But something close. Self-satisfied, maybe? Whatever he is, it pisses me off. I want to slap him, and obviously so does Deb, but she restrains herself and asks what everyone wants to eat. Emmett does this wonderful retarded seal clap over blueberry banana pancakes. I love him to itty bitty pieces.
But those pancakes like to talk back, and so he and Ted wind up at the drugstore. Ted needs to refill his Claritin, because Justin may have monopoly on cute bums and pretty smiles, but Ted’ll be damned if he has one on allergies, too. Ted sees a guy that he had sex with a while back, and finds out that he is HIV positive. Emmett’s all like “So? You were safe, right? RIGHT?” it would appear that no, Teddy was not safe. Smooth move, Ted. You really are batting a thousand, aren’t ya?
At the Big Q., everyone is celebrating Mikey’s big bday. Including his “girlfriend” Tracey. She gets all kissy kissy with him, and then Mikey bitches about it to Brian-only not about the kissy kissy. He’s hung up on turning thirty, and getting old. Like suddenly he’ll wake up on his thirtieth and be gray and pot bellied. Puh-leeze. Brian says that maybe he should have kept ahold of David, if he wants someone to always be older than him. Mikey says that now is a fine time to tell him, and Brian immediately asks if he broke up with the doc because of him. He knows that he did, and I am suddenly so so annoyed with Brian. Now that Mikey and David are over, he is going to go back to the way that it was before. Brian scoring and Mikey watching. What. A. Shit.
At the clinic, Emmett dances with a skeleton and lectures Ted while he freaks out about fucking that positive guy. Ted is less than happy. “Okay, fine, you’re the safe sex poster boy and I’m the happy hooker.” Even freaking out, Ted is killing me. Emmett tells him to relax, he’s going to be fine. A hot young doctor comes in and draws both of their blood, because Em is being a good friend and getting tested with Teddy. He flirts with the hot doc and Ted snaps to get it over with. They do, and from there it’s just the waiting.
At Deb’s, she gives Justin not one, but two boxes of tissues to take up to his room. Deb knows these teenage boys. Mikey’s jealous of Debbie’s love through tissues approach. “My room.” He sounds five, which is stupid since he’s going to be thirty. Which Deb reminds him of because she is a good mom. Justin is the perfect bratty little brother, mouthing So old at Mikey as he takes off to his room with his clean up materials. They are such a great, dysfunctional family. * loves them * Deb sees this as the perfect time to get the truth of the breakup between him and David out of Mikey. She tells him to apologize for what he fucked up. Mikey doesn’t know why she thinks he was the one who did something. Deb’s reply? “I’m your mother. I know you.” * snort * She is smart; she knows that it is all about Brian, no matter how much Michael denies it.
So as Mikey does that calling up the ex just to hear his voice thing, Deb pays Brian a little visit and lays all the blame for how Mikey is on his shoulders. Alright. She does have a point about David. But as for ruining Mikey? Nahh, that guy did it all on his own. I’m a big believer in people making their own choices about things, and I think that deep down inside Mikey knows that Brian will never give him what he wants. Ever. But he chooses to follow him like a lost puppy anyway. Their relationship is so dysfunctional-and not in a fun happy way. It’s something based more on dependency than is healthy. Brian gets his emotional needs met with Mikey while getting the physical somewhere else, and Mikey is too wrapped up in what he thinks Brian is to see the real live human man in front of him. So blaming it all on Brian is not right, any more than blaming it all on Michael is. But Brian takes Deb’s yelling and offers to make it up to Mikey by throwing him a birthday bash he never forgets. Sounds fun, right?
Let me put this question to you. If you were out trying to find your gay male friend some sort of humiliating sex toy for his birthday, would you bring along your equally gay female friend? Me neither, but we are not Ted, and so we don’t think that Mel would be a good sex toy shopping buddy. Nahh, Mel probably begged to go, considering her and Lindsay are having problems. Ted wont let Mel talk about that, though, because “the minute you start telling your friends your relationship problems it’s the beginning of the end” Ted is bitter. He needs to get his results. Which he does, and guess what? Negative, negative, negative. Let this be a lesson to you, Teddy. Safe sex is the name of the game. Learn it, love it, live it. Be like Em. The poster boy for safe sex. Who hasn’t checked his messages. So he does so, and finds that they want him to come in. If you’ve ever been tested for HIV-and even if you haven’t-you know what that means. Ted is sure that he’s fine, but now Emmett is panicking, because the clinic is apparently closed for the weekend. Because they do that all the time. Do they really? They go to Ted’s, where Emmett freaks some more, and I feel so badly for him.
Brian invites the doc to Brian’s surprise party. He mentions a push. Uh-oh. Call me pessimistic, but I don’t like it when Brian mentions things like pushing. Or when he acts nice to the guy that he spent the first half of the season hating.
The boys pick up Michael for his surprise party, and Ted spills the beans. Because he gets pissed of when Mikey acts like a big brat about his birthday. Of course Mikey is happy now, because his Bwian wuvs him so much. Okay, I really hate this episode, I’m sorry, but I cannot get through it without freaking, so we’ll give you the gist of the rest. Brian throws a great bash, even goes so far as to get him a first edition Captain Astro comic, and hire a guy dressed like Captain Astro to come to the party. Oh, yeah, and he invites Tracey to show up and outs him to her in front of all his friends and family. And I am furious with him, but he does it to push Mikey at David. Which actually doesn’t make me any less angry. Because first he tore them apart on purpose, and even though I know that Mikey made the final choice, Brian could have made it easier for him to love someone else. But he didn’t. Instead he played his best friend. And that is what really bothers me the most. How can you call someone your best friend and then play with their emotions like they are your own personal toys, without any regard to how you might be tearing them apart?
On the Emmett front, he makes a deal with God that if He gets Emmett out of this without HIV, then he will go straight. Yeah, I’m not buying it, either. But when he goes to the clinic and finds out that he isn’t positive, his check just bounced, he proves that he means it when he turns down the pretty doctor for a date. Huh. Emmett straight. I don’t know if the world could handle it.
Mel gets drunk, and basically calls Linds a frigid bitch. Nice, Mel. I like her, but not at this moment in time. And why exactly did they bring Gus to this party? With all the booze and half naked men? And loud, loud music?
Justin is the only one who doesn’t throw a shit fit at Brian for outing Mikey, and then the next morning Deb comes over to thank Brian for pushing Mikey away. Then she takes Justin to the diner to start his shift. Brian is sad and reads the comic that he gave to Mikey, that Mikey decided he didn’t want.
And that is it. Sorry for the crap recap, but as I said, I really cannot stomach this ep after the party starts. Doing these recaps has actually made me like some of the parts that I used to hate, but this ep I don’t think that I will ever be able to like after the party scene starts going. The beginning has some great stuff, though! :)