I love Emmett. Adore him to pieces. That said, I never, ever want to see him butt naked and cybering again. Please, oh gods of QaF. Never again. And what’s with the sitting butt naked at the kitchen table, anyway? Doesn’t he have a roommate that could walk in at any time to see him bare-assed and pumping away? The two of them are close, but there are some things that you don’t share with your best friend, regardless. The scene is blessedly brief, though. Emmett is quick. Then the guy asks to meet him and hook up for real, and Em balks and hits escape.
Cut to Woody’s, where all the boys are playing pool and Ted is taking nine and a half years to shoot. Brian asks where Mikey stashed the doc for the evening, and Mikey smiles evilly and replies, “in my closet. I feed him waffles.” Okay, sorry, what Mikey really says is that David stayed home because he doesn’t like his friends. Meaning Brian, of course. So David is pouting. Nice. This leads into a discussion of why Mikey has never met any of David’s friends. Maybe because all of David’s friends are snooty pricks who wouldn’t be caught dead in the type of place Michael usually occupies? Just sayin’. Brian’s happy pretty Justin twink shows up, complete with beer. Emmett takes it away from him and he pouts at him, then Brian tells him to go home. Justin replies “No” in the same tone of voice Brian uses (kind of patronizing and sing-songy), then sticks a condom between his teeth and scampers off. Someone’s looking to get laid…and for once it isn’t Brian. * nearly has a heart attack * Michael is feeling snarky. “So what is this, adopt-a-trick?” Okay, I admit it, I laughed. It was funny, and for once Michael seems more amused than pissed about the situation. Brian is not. “It’s just temporary…until I figure out what to do with him.” Um, guys? Justin isn’t a pet or stack of paper that you can dispose of whenever. He happens to be a living, breathing, and right now probably fucking, human being.
Emmett and Ted exit Woody’s, and Emmett wonders if some of the guys that they are seeing outside are his buddy from cyberland. The one he doesn’t want to meet because our Em is NOT anything like what he describes himself to be online. Like anyone really ever is. Ted, upon hearing Em’s profile, is pretty sure that he did it with him the week before. Emmett is properly disgusted, but then gets down to the important things. “Was I good?” Right. The idea of Ted and Emmett going at it is worse than watching Em jerk himself. Brain bleach, please.
As Em and Ted are pondering the not-so-titillating realization that they have kind of sort of fucked, the lesbians are freaking out. Gus is very, very sick. He has a fever of 102 and he wont stop throwing up. Lindsay is on the phone with her pediatrician’s secretary, but the secretary is going on about how they’ll have to wait to talk to her. Melanie takes the phone and gets things straightened out. Doc tells them to get their butts to the hospital, pronto. So they do.
Meanwhile, Brian is just getting home from the store, because cruising at Woody’s makes a man hungry. Nahh, I think he picked up the food because of Justin. Aww. I’m still mad at him from 108 though. It’ll take more than buying Justin some food to soften me up, Kinney! Justin is on the phone with his mom. She wants him to come back home, but he wont. Not until his dad changes those crazy rules of his. He doesn’t like talking about it with Brian there, probably because Brian doesn’t “do” emotions. Blegh. He gets off of the phone with his mom and sniffles a bit. Brian can’t believe it. “You know, it’s really not worth crying over.” Justin blames his allergies. Oh, Justin. Brian says that his old man is a nut. He treats Justin like shit, and he practically killed Brian. * rolls eyes * Oh, yeah. Brian was definitely at death’s doorway. Wonder if the bright white light was really as pretty as everyone says? Justin asks if Brian could just write off his father like that, and Brian says he already has. Justin says that he could never do that, and Brian looks away. Tells him that if he doesn’t, Craig will always be able to hurt him. And he will, too. Brain moves away, leaving Justin to ponder his words. But he doesn’t have to ponder for long, because the phone rings. Justin answers, and it is Lindsay, who sounds upset.
Back at his and Mikey’s place, Emmett is trying to delete his cyber self, with very little success. Suddenly over his shoulder he hears someone telling him not to delete them. Yes, it is Emmett’s cyber self, come to help him become a brutal top and not the nelly bottom we all know and love. God help us all.
Mel and Linds finally get to the hospital. They reach a doctor who asks which one is the mother. The girls explain their situation, and so the doctor asks for some adoption papers. Mel doesn’t have them, of course, because Brian hasn’t signed any. Oops. So Mel is not allowed to go back with Lindsay while the doctor checks out Gus. There is a nurse doing some sort of paperwork to the side who overhears this conversation and-predictably in the QaF world-sneers. She is simply horrified by the lesbian couple. Mel realizes that Lindsay forgot Gus’ blankie, and she asks to go back and give it to him. The nurse acts like a real bitch, and Mel loses her shit. Still, she’s a sight better than I would have been. I probably would have tried to leap over the counter and strangle her. I have a bit of a temper, me. :) This is just when Brian appears, and because he is the biological father, he is allowed back with Gus and Linds. He tries to get Mel back there with him, but she tells him not to worry about it. She’d rather Gus get his blanket than stand around arguing about her right to go back and be with him. So Brian goes back, and Mel is left to wait and worry.
While all this is going on, Mikey is at Dave’s and the two of them are getting ready to go upstairs and get it on. But before they do, Michael picks up a photo of David and his friends and lets his insecurities brought on by his own friends shine through. Why hasn’t David introduced Michael to any of his friends? David is glad that Michael is taking an interest in meeting them. He decides to arrange a get together for all of them to meet. Mikey is nervous as hell. In a crisis, one might say.
Which is what he tells Brian when he bitches Mikey out for not having his cell phone on. Poor widdle Bwian had to go to the big scawwy hospital all alone. I think that Justin probably would have gone with him, if he’d asked. Which he probably made a point of not doing. But Gus is fine now, and Mikey isn’t. He doesn’t know what to do at the fancy dinner party that he has been invited to.
That’s okay, because it just so happens that Brian is willing to drag Mikey back to his place for some impromptu crash lessons in etiquette. They guys accompany them, of course, and they set out to teach him the ropes while Brian fixes a light of some sort. Yeah, I don’t know, either. Justin has a gameboy and is playing that to take a break from his Calculus homework, but really he’s just watching the proceedings and mocking Michael. Showing off his cute country club manners. Michael of course is clueless, and doesn’t want Justin saying anything at all. Even Emmett has a glare for Justin when he gets a little too smug. Finally, the guys deem Michael as hopeless and try to prep him for conversation. Justin suggests that Michael talk about movies, so that he can appear current without sounding controversial. Mikey’s reply? “I’ve seen X-Men six times.” Justin almost can’t restrain his laughter at that. Ted and Emmett finally tell him to be himself. Mikey says he knows that he’s going to fuck it up somehow, and Brian leans over him to snark, “Yeah, that’s what he said. Be yourself.” Mikey smacks him and smiles for a second, before the worried little frown returns to his brow. This is probably my favorite scene of all the guys hanging out together so far.
Back at the lesbian house, Mel and Linds are relaxing for a moment after the Gus fiasco. Melanie is thinking of what happened to her when she was in Hebrew school, and someone told her that she would always be different. But she forgot, until the day some racist little bitch yelled a slur at her on the playground. She compares it to what happened at the hospital and says that there is really only one way to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. So she and Lindsay invite Brian over for tea and cookies, because tea and cookies is something that Brian probably loves (you can sense the sarcasm, yes?). Justin winds up coming with him, and he sure doesn’t mind the cookies. They are really good. Little oinker. Fidgety Lindsay wants to jump up and get him ice cream, but he doesn’t want it. He only wants some more cookies. Brian tells the women to spit out what they want, and so they do. Brian doesn’t say anything, but Justin looks devastated enough for the both of them, and Mel and Linds rush to help their argument by saying that Brian agreed beforehand, but things got so hectic, and what with what happened at the hospital-
Brian interrupts the babble. They don’t have to convince him. He’ll sign their papers. Justin doesn’t like this. He’s having his own Daddy angst right now and seeing his hero giving up his kid is driving what his own father has done that much closer to home. Melanie tells him to shut up, but in a nice way, because she likes Justin. Brian says that he is teaching his kid a valuable life lesson: don’t count on your old man. Melanie is all smiles, but Lindsay suddenly looks like she is going to throw up. Probably because she realizes that signing Gus over is going to hurt Brian. Quite a bit, I'd wager. That night Mel is very happy about what is going on, talking about how Brian didn’t even seem to care, and Lindsay tells her she is wrong; that it must have been hard for him. Mel really doesn’t care, though. She wants to celebrate her future as Gus’ legal parent, and soon enough Lindsay forgets all about what Brian must be going through, letting Gus go. Sex does that.
During all of this drama, Emmett has been getting coached by his screen name on how to pick up guys, and wind up being the fucker instead of the fuckee. Of course, no one knows who he is talking to when he starts going off, but whatever. What really gets me is when Pitts (Em’s not so little imaginary friend) actually drags Emmett into cyberspace. There he talks with a potential trick, and then meets up with the trick that started it all in the first place. He arranges a time to meet, and Emmett is not happy. But he goes to the guy’s apartment anyway-or is it a hotel? Whatever it is, he goes there, and the door opens to reveal a big beefy top-looking guy. The two of them stare at each other and realize that neither is what they pretend to be online. I am suitably shocked, only not. Then Emmett finds it in himself to be the dominant one that he is online and gets to have his cyber experience in person. Go, Em! After, he goes to Babylon and orders Teddy around with his new confidence. Teddy listens, and it might be possible that he gets laid! See why listening to toppy!Em is a good idea?
At what I think should forevermore be called The Dinner of Death, Mikey of course makes every single mistake one can make, from talking about death and bowel functions (see, if he would just get over this jealousy of Justin, the two of them could bond over their tendency to go on about diarrhea when under pressure) to yelling only loud enough for the whole block to hear that one of David’s snooty little friends gave him crabs at the White Party. Needless to say, the dinner does not go well, and though David says that it is no big deal. Michael storms out of his house in a huff, determined to sulk.
Meanwhile, at the loft, Brian is shaving and helping a showering Justin with his SAT vocab. It’s so cute and domestic that I can almost, almost get over my resentment of the Hotlanta debacle. Almost. But Justin is determined to ruin this happy moment by getting on Brian’s case about giving up Gus. He thinks that Brian is being uncaring towards his little boy, which really bothers him considering he knows it’s all bullshit. He saw Brian’s face when Gus was born. He knows. Brian tries to pass it off, saying that he never wanted the kid anyway, and that he wouldn’t know the first thing about being a dad, considering he only ever saw the fist of his own after he’d had too many to drink. Finished shaving, he storms out of the loft just as Justin lathers himself up and picks up Brian’s razor (so cute) to shave. I don’t know what exactly he thinks he needs to go about shaving, as he doesn’t even have so much as a stubble.
I would have figured that Brian would be going to the baths or Babylon to take care of his tension, but instead he goes to some sort of pub thing, where he meets with is father. His father asks him to stay for a drink, which of course Brian ends up paying for. Then he proceeds to ask for money, which Brian gives him. After that, he rambles on about how he was never meant to be a family man and tells Brian to never let himself get tied down. I’m praying that the man will shut up soon, because you can practically feel the pain pouring off of Brian and it’s not a fun thing. At all. Now I get why Brian wants Justin to get over this Craig thing ASAP; he knows how it feels to keep trying for acceptance and love from a father who will never give it. And Brian’s dad doesn’t even know he is gay.
After this bloodletting, Brian returns to Mikey’s to sleep off his drunk. Mikey strips him down to his undies and socks (for some reason, the whole leaving the socks on thing makes me grin despite being sad for Brian), and tucks him in to bed. Then he crawls in next to him and just holds him. This has all the familiarity of routine, and as Michael holds him Brian finally lets go as much as he can. His hand clenches the pillow and one freaking tear slides down his face.
Next day at the munchers’, and Mel has the contact ready to go. She is practically bouncing in her eagerness to get Brian to sign the papers, and so forgets to give him a pen. When she hands him one and Brian goes to sign and there is no ink in the pen. So Linds jumps up to grab another one and as soon as Brian puts it to the page, Gus starts fussing. Brian stares at him for a long moment, pen just resting on the paper, and then he puts the pen down. He can’t do it. He can’t sign his son away. Mel is really pissed, and Linds says softly, “Brian, please don’t do this.” Unfair, both of them. If they were so worried about this sort of thing happening, they should have had Brian sign over his rights before Gus was born. After Brian saw his son and fell in love with him, it was just cruel for the girls to ask that he give up his right to get to know him. To be his dad. To not fuck things up as spectacularly as his own father did.
Speaking of fucking up, Michael has found his way to the gym to try and get rid of the horrible memory of the night before through exercise. It doesn’t work very well, considering Dr. Dave tracks him down. I’m pretty sure the good doc is a big reminder of Mikey’s spectacular night of shoving his foot in his mouth and trying to swallow. The two go outside to talk, and it seems that they are finally on the same page. The night before was a disaster, and there is only one way to fix it. MIkey sighs, “It’s over,” and David looks dumbfounded. He was thinking that the two of them should move in together. Mikey gapes. I gape. Everyone gapes, and we all wonder what David is smoking, to think that moving in together is the solution to them not fitting in with each others’ lives.
But, we don’t get the answer until next time. ;p