So here we are at episode 103. What is going to happen next? Will Emmett get more screen time? Will Michael get over his crush on his best friend? Will he quit being a pussy and stop leading Tracey on? Will Justin stop stalking Brian after their confrontation outside the loft? How many times will Brian get to use his “talents” this ep? All these questions and more will be answered…eventually.
We start 103 once again with Michael, who is attending the bris for baby Gus. He looks at all the prettiness of Lindsay and Melanie’s life, and wishes that he, too, were a lesbian. But he changes his mind when he realizes that would mean munching instead of sucking. But on the other hand, men just can’t commit. What he means of course, is that Brian can’t commit, which cue’s in the flashback to earlier that day, with Mikey tracking Brian down at the gym to try and get him to go to the Lesbian Luncheon (LL). Brian declines, and tells Mikey to let them know that something came up. Three guesses what that was, and the first two don’t count. *grins* Mel and Linds aren’t surprised, just disappointed. Well, Linds is, anyway.
Emmett has found love, with a man who only seems to speak Korean, I think. Mel just so happens to speak it fluently, and so Ted and Michael get her to translate. Turns out that Emmett’s new beau is actually a prostitute, and the reason that he’s sticking around Emmett is that he’s waiting for his money. Of course, Michael doesn’t pass this information on to his smitten friend. Oh, no, he tells Emmett that what the man is saying is something about his voice being like a song and that he is in love with him. I have to admit that it is funny, but I love Emmett so I don’t like it that the joke is on him. Yeah. Oh, well. Turns out that the guys don’t know what a bris is, so boy are they in for a treat. Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without Emmett fainting at the very idea of Gus’ little foreskin getting sliced and diced.
Cut to Justin and Daphne. They are talking about Brian and what he said before. You know, about his beliefs on love. Daphne is appalled. She is supporting Justin. Tells him to get off of his cute little bum and go out and get Brian. Show him that he’s not the only one who can score. Then she pushes Justin into the pool. I love Daphne. Seriously.
Back at the bris, everyone is busy trying to revive Emmett, except for Mikey who is on the phone. Hm. Wonder who he’s calling?
And Brian is finished with his fun at the gym and getting dressed. His trick comes up and slips his number into Brian’s pocket, whispering a seductive “Call me” I think. Brian’s like, oh, sure, uh-huh, who are you again? His cell rings, and it’s Mikey-pants. Not in the mood for small talk, Mikey demands. “Get over here. Now.” Or words to that effect. Oooh.
Switching back to the L.L., Emmett awakens, though he is still a bit woozy. I’m like, grow up, Em! It happened to you, too, and trust me, Gus won’t remember a thing. So they start up the ceremony(is that what you call it? Great, now I’m picturing baby Gus in a little graduation uniform, complete with cap and a diploma that reads Foreskin Graduate. Shoot me. Please. It would be a mercy killing) I notice that Gus is HUGE for a kid who was just born about a week or two ago. He looks to be at least six months old, which is a real feat considering last ep he was teeny tiny. Like fit in the palm of Brian’s gynormous hand tiny. Stop feeding the monster, women! He’s growing too fast! Ignoring Gus’ inhuman growing abilities, we focus on Melanie placing Gus upon Lindsay’s lap. The doctor (is he a doc? Or what? Oh, whatever, we’re calling him doctor for the purpose of this recap anyway) raises his little foreskin cutter, Gus gurgles and Emmett winces in sympathy. But before the snip snip, Brian enters to save the day. “You bitches ain’t circumcising my son!”
Right, so he didn’t say it exactly like that, but it’s pretty much how it comes across anyway. The three parental units convene in the kitchen for a quiet screaming match that consists mainly of Melanie screeching and Brian and Brain yelling back, and Lindsay trying to make peace without actually taking a side. The sniping is kind of like third graders in a playground, actually. “Asshole”, “Bitch”, “You have no right”, “He’s more my son than yours”. Before it can decline into hair pulling and face scratching, however, Linds asks the critical question, the one that we are all thinking(or at least I am): WTF does Brian care if his son gets snipped? What is the big deal? Personally, I think it’s to get at Mel, and I would bet about five hundred dollars that she agrees wholeheartedly. Brian says that it is because he’s barely been on earth for a month (?) and already people wont accept him for who he is. I am like, um? WTF? So are Linds and Mel, though I think that Linds probably also has that ‘aww, he wuvs his baby boy!’ feeling too. In the end Brian agrees to sign those million dollar life insurance policy papers if the two agree to forget all about getting rid of Gus’ foreskin. Manipulative, but it works. They agree, and the boys all go to the Liberty Diner to celebrate.
Whilst there, they are all happy go lucky, clinking their water glasses and talking about how the saw who had the balls, and for once it was them, yeadda yadda. Brian’s like, “I didn’t do it to piss them off. I did it for him (Gussy).” And okay, yeah, it’s sweet, but I still don’t get it. In a world where it’s all about picking and choosing your battles, it seems to me that Brian picked a dumb one to fight. Then again I say this from a female’s perspective, so no one ever went snippy snip on my nethers. I heard somewhere that this is one of the scenes that CowLip took from the UK QaF, where I guess circumcision is a much bigger issue. Maybe that is why it seems odd. I don’t know, and frankly, I’m done thinking about it.
The boys exit the diner to hit up Woody’s to play pool and relax before Babylon…or in Brian’s case, get laid before Babylon. I know, we’re all shocked. Shocked. On the way to Woody’s, Ted gets bumped into by a cute twink who is definitely checking out his goods, but he doesn’t think so. He starts insulting himself and Mikey asks why he always does that. Ted’s reply? “I’m gentler.” Mikey is sad for Ted. Ted doesn’t want to hear it. He would rather talk about how Brian is more the twink’s type, because Brian is everybody’s type. Which works for him, actually, considering he’ll fuck anything. Mikey needs to mention that Brian hasn’t had him, and here is another reason that I think that CowLip wanted to go with the Brian/Mikey plotline, but decided instead to go where the chemistry took them. Ted’s all, No! Why oh why would you actually want to sleep with someone you might give two shits about? Mikey is pleased, because Ted has just confirmed for him the reason that Brian hasn’t made a move yet. Oh, God, tell me that Brian doesn’t make a move. Ted says howdy to a passing drag queen, and we follow her to see…
…Daphne and Justin! Yay! Daphne’s freaking out about all the oddness that is Liberty, and Justin is acting all cool and nonchalant. Such a show off. Daphne calls him on it, too. I love this girl. They head into Woody’s, too, to find Brian.
Return to the Lesbians! Mel and Linds are cleaning up, and Linds keeps trying to make small talk, but Mel is blowing her off. Guess she’s pissed, huh? Linds finally cracks and asks if Mel plans on keeping with the silent treatment all night, and Mel says no by immediately flipping on Linds about taking Brian’s side, and how she didn’t want him to be the father in the first place, but Linds insisted. She goes on like this for some time, and when Brian’s little manipulation gets brought up is even angrier. I do believe that she winds up storming out of the room on Linds, who is very unhappy now. Sorry Linds, but this is the price you pay for having a Brian in your life. *starts humming “let a woman in your life” from My Fair Lady, subbing Brian for woman of course. ;)
Speaking of Brians…ours has himself a trick for the night it would seem. He’s busy eyeing a guy who looks a lot like him-but with more muscle-only we’re not interested in him right now. Right now it’s all about Mikey, who gets all pissy when he sees Justin and Daphne enter the bar. Guh, not the twink again! Why oh, why? What kind of bothers me is that Michael keeps using the plural to mean him and Brian. “Why wont he leave us alone; I thought he was out of our lives” Right, Michael. Like Justin even notices that you are there when Brian is in the room. Unless of course he is using you to find things out about Brian, like he is right now with Deb and Vic. “I’m actually looking for a friend of Michael’s. Brian.” Deb and Vic are less than shocked. But Daphne sees Brian for the first time. “Oh my God. He’s so old. And skinny. You could do way better than that.” Have I mentioned I adore this girl?
Meanwhile Mikey has gone to Brian to bitch. Brian breaks eye contact with his look alike to check out the twink. And he does the second completely unexplainable thing of the series so far. He tells Mikey, “Leave him alone. He’s alright.” Mikey gapes and sputters. I giggle. Then gape with Mikey as Brian ads, “In fact, he’s kinda sweet.” Wha? I blink. Michael sputters some more, and then Brian realizes that his trick has just ditched him and he is less than pleased. It’s all Michael’s fault and he hates him. Brian is such a two year old. He follows his trick outside and Mikey follows him, because he is a wiener.
But he doesn’t get to catch up to Brian, because who should he meet on the street but Tracey, who came to Liberty Avenue with some friends to check it out. She seems to be enjoying herself, and Mikey is stumbling around trying to think of an excuse for why he’s there. Finally he just pins the blame on Brian, who chooses that moment to reappear. As soon as Brian figures out what’s up, he cannot help but embarrass the shit out of his best friend, and hell, it is funny. IMO Mikey does deserve it, so I feel no shame in laughing as Brian tells Tracey how very much Mikey likes her. After he has sufficiently embarrassed his friend, it is off to Babylon for the real fun of the evening.
It’s about this time that Justin realizes that Brian and Michael are gone so he asks Debbie where they went. She tells him, and Vic gives him his ID so that he can get in. The bouncer so doesn’t buy it, but he thinks Justin is cute so he lets the two kids in. What does he care if Justin wants to get laid? He’s hoping the kid will still be around when his shift is over, so that he can teach him a thing or two. Meanwhile Brian is yanking Mikey into a bathroom stall to share his trail mix, because he doesn’t wanna share with the other kids, just his bestest buddy. They kiss, and Mikey goes for Brian’s dick. Brian: What. The. Fuck? Michael blames the trail mix, and Brian lets him get away with it, although everyone knows that Mikey was really just hoping to get in Brian’s pants finally. Outside of the bathroom, Emmett has lost his love, and Mikey’s all “meep. I think he’ll be okay.” Brian doesn’t give a fuck. Emmett storms off to find him in a huff and Brian spots his twin. Hoping for the chance to finally have sex with himself (what he’s really been aiming for all these years), Brian ditches Mikey to go work his magic.
We’re almost to the good stuff, so let me get some of the filler out of the way. Emmett finds out that his love is really a prostitute, flips out and calls Mel to find out how to curse the guy out in his own language. Mel and Linds make up and resolve not to let Brian come between them again. (me: yeah, right. We’ll see how long that one lasts.). Ted meets up with the cute twink from earlier and invites him home. Brian is once again careless and misplaces his trick, but then he finds him again and picks up another, while Mikey and Emmett watch on jealously and Justin starts to pout. But just as Ted overdoses on the GHB the pretty Blake-twink gave him, Justin decides to stop pouting and get his act together. He takes off his own sparkly shirt and walks on to the dance floor, determined to get his man.
Let it be known right now that if I had not adored Justin before this ep, I would now. He positions himself right by Brian and his two dancing buddies and starts grooving-a whole lot better than one Mr. Kinney, to tell the truth. At first it seems obvious what he is doing-trying to get Brian to notice him and ditch his dancing friends, and it’s kind of pathetic because we all know that Brian wont. But then Justin catches the eye of the Brian clone and gives him the flirty eyes. Yes, flirty eyes. Shut up. Soon enough, Brian wanna be moves away from The One Who Cannot Dance to The Pretty Blond One Who Can. Trick number two thinks that a blond sandwich is just what the doctor ordered and ditches Brian, too, leaving Justin surrounded by hot manflesh and Brian looking on. Brian is not pleased. The crowd is definitely wanting to see what Brian does, but before they can-
-we cut to Blake, trying to wake a twitchy Teddy. Or maybe just trying to get him to stop twitching, seeing as his eyes are open. Really, what were CowLip thinking intermixing the hotness that is B/J with the not so hotness that is Ted convulsing due to an overdose? No, really, I would love to know the thought process behind this. But finally we’re back to the dancing boys. Brian has had enough of his twink dancing with the tricks that he wanted to take home, and so he steals Justin away. They dance, and kiss, while Daph watches proudly, Em admires, and Mikey glares. I think there is another flash of twitching!Ted in there, in case you forgot that he was dying on his living room floor or something. It ends with the dancing multicolored boys on the screen behind Mikey being replaced by the pretty Brian/Justin-ness. qaf_marathons asked what we saw on each of their three faces and I continue to go with my original thoughts: If you could see thought-bubbles over their heads, this is what they would be thinking…
Brian: damn, I’m hot. No, really, look at me. Shit. I’d fuck me.
Justin: hee. I knew I’d get him again. Score.
Mikey: I really, really hate that kid. But I have to admit he’s got balls…
And there ends 103. stay tuned for 104. :)