Right. So I finished 101 yesterday, and today it is time for a 102 recap. Only I don’t really remember 102. At all. Which means that we’ll have a very vague 102 and slightly less vague 103. Sorry ‘bout that. So when we left our merry band of travelers, Justin had seen the face of God and his name was Brian Kinney, and said face of God had pretty much dismissed poor little Justin from his mind. Then he dropped Mikey off at work, or at least within walking distance. Mikey immediately gets on the phone with Ted and Emmett to talk of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and apparently the craziness of Brian having a baby. They’re yapping and I’m really not listening, because to me this scene has two main points: one, that Mikey works with a bunch of homophobes, and two, Ted has a crush on Mikey. The end. Moving on.
Justin doesn’t yet know that Brian is just a giant man-slut and doesn’t attach any special significance to their night together, even though Brian gave him the brush off earlier. So he’s going on and on to Daphne about Brian and how he thinks that he loves him and how Brian “said” that he loved him, too, which I am betting is BS of the highest order. It’s kind of painful to watch, actually. Daphne’s really just pissed that Justin never told her that he was gay. Even though she kinda knew anyway. They ogle the football players, especially one blond guy. I don’t know if his name gets said, but if not, oh well. His name is Chris. Chris Hobbes.
Brian is in his element at work…playing with a pretty green apple that always makes me hungry when I watch this ep. Every. Single. Time. He’s being all seductive, and the very obviously married man who’s watching his little show is obviously appreciative, what with all the hard swallows and heavy breathing and adjusting of the pants that somehow only Brian notices. Me? I just want the damn apple. Seriously, the first time I watched this I had green apples on the kitchen counter, and I had to pause the show so that I could get up and grab one for myself. What can I say? I’m highly suggestible. So the older man with the married guy(his father, maybe?) is like, isn’t your presentation a little…gay? Brian’s like, DUH! But politely. One of the two women in the room is like so? I’d boink him, regardless (talking about the bare-chested man that we all know Brian personally “tried out” on the ad behind the seductive ad exec. And the apple. Married but apparently bent guy swallows. Hard. For the fifth time. (Okay, I’m exaggerating, but sheesh. We get it, Brian is so hot that even supposedly straight men cannot resist. Can we move on now? Apparently not.) He thinks that Brian should get the account. And more. But old guy is calling the shots, and he says that he’ll have to think about it. Young guy asks where the bathroom is. Cynthia (the other woman in the room and Brian’s assistant) points. Brian thinks that he needs to be shown exactly where it is. Might get lost, you know. It’s only the polite thing to do. Cynthia is horrified. “Did you not notice the wedding ring, you man-slut?” Yes, I am paraphrasing. Go with it. Brian: “Uh, your point?” Then Brian goes to the bathroom, does his business, and gets laid. Me: *gapes in horror at the TV* Right. So I might not believe in marriage and all that, but I think that here Brian went too far. This scene actually bothers me more than most of Brian’s asshole scenes later on, to tell the truth. *shrugs* But that’s probably just me. To be honest, I was just happy that they both washed their hands.
And we’re back to Mikey and his job. He works at this place that is very like Wal-Mart, as an assistant manager I think. Anyway, this woman he works with comes up to him and asks if he could perhaps get someone to help her lift some boxes. He says yep, she bounces off. Then the fat cow who made fun of two gay men earlier in the episode comes up to him and starts insulting the bouncy box-girl. Tracey. Mikey defends her, and Fat Marley (I don’t think that he calls her that until later in the season, but it is so appropriate. Cow.) is suddenly all smiles and light, saying that she was just acting like she didn’t care for Tracey to gauge Michael’s opinion of her. In short, she’s trying to hook a girl up. Mikey’s like “eep”, but when Fat Marley insinuates that he might be gay, he agrees to go out with Tracey. I think that Michael is a weenie here, personally. I get that he doesn’t want to have problems at work, but there comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself, and screw what other people think. At the very least he could have told the bitch that his personal life was none of her business, and that maybe she should concentrate on finding herself a partner and stop worrying so much about him. But no, Mikey decides to punk out and lead Tracey on.
Which is what Brian tells him when Mikey informs him of the evening’s plans. For once I agree with him. It’s amazing, but I’m sure it won’t last long. Anyway, Brian drives Mikey to the straight pub, otherwise known as a sports bar, and I find that I kind of resent that implication. How do they know that sports bar = straight entertainment? Huh? Gay people can like sports, too! And plenty of straight people loathe them! Just sayin’. Anyway, the two decide on a code-word that Michael can call and use if he needs to be rescued. I’m thinking that it doesn’t matter what the word is-Mikey’s better off calling Ted. He has a car, and he isn’t going to blow Mikey off for a better offer. Brian, on the other hand…well, let me put it this way: code word = Buttplug. Mikey = doomed. This is where it starts going fuzzy, because to be honest I kind of lost interest in the whole Mikey Acts Straight plotline almost as soon as it started. There is much embarrassment for Mikey, though, first when the world buttplug is mentioned randomly, “But plug it up!” and he bursts into gales of laughter that no one gets, and secondly I think when the very manly guy asks him about sports. But like I said, I no care. Sorry.
Meanwhile, Brian is having problems with Mel and Linds wanting him to sign a million dollar life insurance policy, and Mel insulting his sex life and calls Mikey. “I need you” Oh, man, here goes again. Mikey is all too willing to ditch his new straight pals for Brian. Hey, it’s last ep redux! So he ditches them, and goes with Brian back to good old Liberty Avenue, where Justin gets to hear the one thing that has been sustaining Michael for fourteen years: once upon a time, Brian very nearly jerked Mikey off over a Patrick Swayze. But then Deb(Mikey’s mom who Justin calls a freak upon their first meeting-shut up, Justin!) walked in on them and that was the end of that. Brian leaves Mikey to deal with the youngun, who very astutely observes: “You’re still waiting for him to finish that hand job”. (and let it be known that I love Justin for accidentally hitting Brian’s biggest sore spot) Mikey is not pleased, but I feel that Justin has hit the nail directly on its head. Mikey drags Justin home, and then meets up with his mom. He walks her home, we meet the awesome Uncle Vic, and then he goes up to his old room for a bit of fantasy intermixed with a bit of memory…and just like in the fantasy/memory, Mikey gets interrupted by Deb before he gets to the good stuff. Thank God.
Back at casa de Kinney, Brian is preparing for a visitor. He’s running about the loft, pulling his special stash out, gazing at himself in the mirror. He looks at his anorexic self and proclaims “I’d fuck me”. Probably, he wishes that were possible. Then he’d never have to leave his loft again. There is a knock at the door. Brian makes his way over and opens it, to see…Justin. In his head, Brian is shrieking and crying and wailing to a God that he doesn’t believe in, “Why me? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?” *ahem* But on the outside he is all , “WTF, little boy?” Justin tries the cute jailbaity trick that got him there in the first place, but Brian’s not falling for it this time. Justin tries to tell Brain that they are meant to be, but he is interrupted by the visitor that Brian thought Justin was. Now this scene is kind of important, because it will come to haunt Brian later. *maniacal laughter* I really don’t remember it in sequence or word for word, but the parts that you need to know, I do. There’s the mutual asking of who each of the people are. Brian’s reply to trick: It’s just my stalker. His reply to Justin: This is Mr. Goodfuck. Mr. Goodfuck, meet Justin. Or something along those lines. Mr. G is like, “I’m George.” Brian rolls his eyes and amends, “George Goodfuck.” Then Mr George G. says that he wouldn’t mind a three way, but, “he’s kinda young.” Brian sneers, “he’s also kind of leaving.” Justin tries not to cry as he turns around and runs down the stairs, forever exiting Brian’s life. Yeah, right.
So Mr G guilt trips Brian into going after Justin, which he does, all barefoot and yeah, I admit it, sexy. Dammit. Justin is like, “Eeek! He followed me and will be witnessing my Drama Princess moment! Must hit car, now!” Brian is not so happy. He’s pissed because he got guilt tripped by someone he doesn’t know from Adam(well, that’s not true; he’s George!) into following this crying boy, and now the boy is running, and Brian is not too comfy with leaving a stranger in the loft who might decide to clean him out while he’s occupied. Justin doesn’t care. George is ugly, and Brian doesn’t know him, and Justin really lo-
Brain is done with mushy feelings. Ick, he might catch something if this continues. So he cuts Justin off in the middle of his teenybopper confession of teh love: “I’ve had you.” Ouch. And just in case Justin doesn’t get it, he continues. “I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest, it’s efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they’re in so that they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that’s what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl…and get married.” And yes, I know how odd it is that I remember all that. It stuck, okay? Bite me. Plus I’ve watched this scene almost too many times to count. My fangirlish heart loves it. And Justin finally really gets it. He starts to cry, and turns away from Brian to get in his car and drive off. Brian stares after him, looking almost regretful. And so ends my very sketchy recap of 102.
But I will add that there is a scene they cut out, where Brian goes back into the loft to find Mr. George on his bed, ready for some lovin’. Brian’s in super drama queen mode, though, and decides that Mr. George cannot stick around. Brian’s no longer in the mood. (me: yeah, right.) But George is good at talking people into things, it seems, for the scene ends with Brian going “ah, what the hell” and taking a flying leap onto the bed. I guess that CowLip wanted to go with their “King of Angst” Brian image, and the whole leaping on the bed like some deranged lunatic thing just didn’t fit in with that so well. *shrugs* I thought it was kind of funny, myself.