I feel all QaF-y this morning, so I guess that is what the topic of today shall be. Considering I cannot seem to be inspired for the life of me lately. Oh, well. QaF it is…not that it takes much for me to want to talk about QaF, either. Puh-leeze.
I will start with S1, just to see how much of it I remember. Okay. 101. This is it. The place where it all began. We get a voice-over from Mikey, who actually seems pretty likeable-at first. He introduces us to himself first, and we find that he is pretty self deprecating. He’s not all ugly or anything, but you’ll see soon enough why. Then we get to meet Ted and Emmett. I think that I loved Emmett from the moment that I was introduced to him. He’s that lovely stereotypical gay man that everyone wants to have as a friend. Okay, every GIRL, at least. :) Ted is pretty down on himself, but Emmett is not. At all. And I love him for it. Love, love, love. Right. *clears throat*
Then we get introduced to part of the reason why Ted and Michael may have a bit of an inferiority complex: Brian Kinney. He’s sexy, he’s hot, he’s everything they’re not. And he damn well knows it, the jerk. Sorry. I didn’t have much love for Brian in the first two seasons. So you will have to deal with my mehness about him. Oh well, we’ll get to season three soon enough, right? It’s just that Brian is so smirky and cocky and annoying. He thinks that he’s the hottest thing that Pittsburgh will ever see, and it annoys the hell out of me that Pittsburgh seems to agree. He’s all angles really; too long arms and legs and not enough meat on his bones. It irritates me further that this is the sort of guy that I am usually attracted to. Bugger. Hate it when that happens. And the whole smirky, I’m better than you are attitude really rankled, like whoa. I have a thing for bad boys, I do, but I don’t have a thing for guys who think that they walk on water.
So anyway, Brian goes off into the backroom of the Happy Dancing Club (also known as Babylon, of course), with Hot Twink number 8756, and Mikey follows him like a good little lapdog. There they have a conversation about going home and wanting to eat I guess right over the twink’s head, and that always kills me. KILLS me. And we meet Todd, who is always “fiiiiiiine”. Hee. Brian says that it’ll take about ten minutes, and I am amazed that he is that practiced. Wow. So the boys go outside Babylon to goof and wait for King Kinney to get done, Michael is being cruised by a man who has a pretty bum, and isn’t so bad looking either. He says he isn’t interested, and Teddy says, “Well, maybe for once you should be. Show a certain someone (Brian) that he’s not the only one who can score.”
Enter Justin. Pretty, pretty Justin of the blue eyes and killer smile-which we don’t get to see right now because he’s busy looking all nervous and adorable. Kay, it took me a bit to catch this, but because my obsession with QaF was REALLY, REALLY strong in the beginning I watched all my fav eps at least twelve times apiece, and I thought it odd that when Ted mentions that MIKEY should show Brian that he can get some booty, too, the scene immediately switches to JUSTIN, who is actually the one to show Brian that it isn’t all about him. Now, the not so mighty CowLip isn’t the most subtle of twosomes, so I have to figure that this was on purpose. Anyway, Justin is all new to the scene, and doesn’t like getting hit on by the skeezy old man, which I have to say I don’t blame him for, but then he decides to take a page from skeezyoldman!’s book and lean against a lamppost. Okay, Justin, dear.
Which is of course about when Brian spots him, having grown bored with his ten minute friend inside. That seemed pretty quick, though, right? Nah. To quote Teddy, “Not when you’ve had as much practice as he has” snort.
Brian sees Justin. Justin sees Brian. Sparks fly. Justin thinks that he’s seen his future hubby, and Brian thinks, “ooh, pretty.” No, really. That is pretty much all of Brian’s thought process in the beginning. That and realizing that Justin is the most naïve little virgin to cross his path and playing around with that knowledge. And I find that I can’t fault him for either of those things, because, well, Justin is pretty, and it’s funny, watching him be an idiot. So yeah. Amusement. More amusement when Brian ditches Emmett and Michael to go home with Justin. But we are not shocked, because even this early in the game it has been firmly established that Brian is a slut of the highest order. King Slut of Slutdonia, matter of fact. Poor Justin is really the only one who doesn’t know it by this point, actually-his saving grace with one Mr. Kinney. But I am getting a wee bit ahead of myself, here.
Back to Brian and Justin. They get into Brian’s pretty loft which I envy envy envy, and Justin begins to babble about allergies and diarrhea while Brian proceeds to strip. Yep, Brian gets right down to business. I’m shocked. Not really. Justin finally shuts up about the diarrhea, thank God-it really starts getting painful to watch, like when he says that he likes Cheerios better than Special K…when Brian definitely isn’t talking about cereal. Ouch-and just kind of stares. Then Brian utters the famous words, “So, are you coming or going? Or coming, then going? Or coming…and staying?” He should have left that last part out, methinks. Little naïve Justin-twinks tend to take it the wrong way. :) So Justin decides that coming will definitely be part of the night’s festivities.
Back to Mikey and Emmett, who got a ride home with Ted. They pull up outside their apartment I think it is, maybe a house…and there is bubblebutt man! He stalked Michael home…which I guess is less creepy to them than it is to me, for Emmett tells Michael firmly that he needs to get laid and tells him to “Invite the gentleman in while I make sure none of my fine washables are hanging in the tub.” Uh, guess I was the only one who was creeped out by the stalker-guy. *shrugs* Oh, well.
And in another flash, we get back to the real show. Brian and Justin are having fun, and then Brian gets “the call”. Yes, that’s right, Brian decides right then and there, with Justin looking all pretty and blond, that he will become celibate and devote his life to the Lord. No, not really. He gets the call that his son has been born, but we’re not supposed to know this yet, so shh. He tries to kick Justin out, but Justin’s all cute and jailbait-y (he’s only seventeen) and Brian just can’t ditch him. See, this really doesn’t go with the Brian we know and-well, not love, but at least think is kinda sorta hot in that I really really wish he weren’t way. I don’t really know why Brian decides to take him to the hospital with him. Because he’s young and hot and Brian isn’t done with him yet, most likely. And because if he doesn’t, all he’ll be left with is Mikey-who he calls to inform of the events, btw.
And so it begins. Brian calls, Michael comes running. Only this one time I can forgive him, as his bubblebutt friend has just been outed as a fake. The butt? Is actually a Styrofoam/plastic thing that only makes his booty LOOK nice. Oh, and it was a two for one deal with the bulge. Two guesses what that one is. *rolls eyes* So, as I said, Mikey can definitely be forgiven for that one, methinks. But it does set a pattern. Also, when Brian gets to Mikey’s, he is regulated to the back, because Justin has the front. More foreshadowing? Possibly, but it’s a bit iffy to me.
So they get to the hospital, and there he is. The boy who will soon be known as Gus-Gus, as soon as Brian asks JUSTIN what he should be named. SO weird. The whole going to the hospital thing, I sort of get. But the naming of Brian’s kid thing? Why would anyone want someone they barely know to do something that permanent? Mel (one of the two lesbians that Brian apparently owns, according to Justin-confused? Don’t be, it’s in a later episode) agrees with me. I think that I am going to like her. She politely asks who Justin is (snort) and Brian doesn’t remember his name. Slick. But Mikey does! Such a helpful Mikey. Does he do windows, too?
Brian goes on the roof and has a midlife crisis moment, which makes me dislike him again. Everyone else seems to adore this scene, but it makes me kind of ill. I don’t know why; it’s a perfectly good friendship scene. Still, I loathe it. *shrugs* Maybe because Brian is being such a drama queen and you can tell that Mikey’s taking it to mean more than it does. Anyway, they have their moment, and they talk about Superman and Lois Lane. Aww.
After that, Brian takes himself a little white pill (ABCD E, E, E) and he goes in to see the mommy of his itty bitty widdle boy. Mel exits due to Linds’ prodding once Brian enters, and hey, lemme guess, tension between those two? Brian and Lindsay have this really touching moment. He is Peter and she is his Wendy. And I suddenly kind of like Brian. Good Lord, what is the world coming to? They kiss, and Melanie returns. She gets this constipated look on her face and shakes the ice she is carrying. Oh, and we find out that Brian and Lindsay did the deed a couple of times. Yeehaw. Am I sensing yet another “I’m in love with my best friend” theme? Perhaps.
Cue to Brian being wasted time! Mikey has to drive, so Brian and Justin wind up in the back of Brian’s jeep.Justin doesn’t mind, but Michael sure as hell does. Just as things are moving along nicely for Our Hero, Little Justin, Michael swerves to avoid a “doggie”. Hm. That ‘doggie’ would be called ‘jealousy’, Michael dearest, and no amount of swerving will dispel it, unfortunately. Then Mikey thinks that Justin is going to be going home. Riiiight. Like Brian brought him to his son’s birth so that he could witness the miracle of life. Puh-leeze. Justin and Brain set him straight, though. So a grumpy Michael drops them off at Brian’s, then returns home to whine to Emmett about how Brian practically begged him to go, so he didn’t get laid. Methinks the Mikey exaggerateth too much. Emmett is sympathetic, and hands over his new video, something he is sure Mikey will have a deep, meaningful relationship with. Ha, Em, should have handed him a Captain Astro comic.
Back at the loft, things are going good for Justin. He is one happy little camper, and Brian is feeling no pain himself. So they get busy, and Brian says the second damning thing of the evening with Justin: “I want you to remember this. So that no matter who you’re ever with, I’ll always be there.” I’m like, narcissistic much, asshole? Justin’s like “OMG I’m so in love”. I want to retch. I find that once again, I am not fond of Brian. Gee, that was quick.
The next morning. Michael is for some reason asleep on the couch rather than his own bed (probably because Brian isn’t in it, methinks), and he gets woken by the sound of an alarm. But not in the house. No, this is Brian’s jeep going off as two punks spray paint something on the side and kick out his headlights. Nice kids. Truly, their parents are doing a great job with the raising of the chillun’s. Mikey does this little panic thing, and Emmett laughs. I love Emmett. SO much.
Brian and Justin wake up, and Brian kind of cuddles Justin before realizing that he’s doing it. I go “awwwwwwww”. Yes. I am a sap. Deal with it. Then he is all like “Uh, who are you and why are you here?” Justin’s all pouty and cute and “You said I could stay. Loooooooove meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Briiiaaaaan.” Brian’s like, “My head!” Justin replies, “I am PSA Boy!” Brian goes, “Oh. My. God. Why oh why did I pick you up? What invaded my head and took over last night? And WHY is my loft all fuckered up?” Justin grins. Brian: “don’t tell me. I was doing handstands.” Justin: “and juggling. You’re not very good.” Me: *snort* Then Brian tells Justin to get up, so that he can drive him to school. Justin informs Brian that is an impossibility, because Michael has the jeep. Brian: “I remember. I remember everything (or is it perfectly? My brain is all fuzzy on the exact quote). *looks at Justin* What was your name again?” Justin pouts. Justin asks for use of the shower, and Brian nods and points. PSA!Boy trots off, and Brian for some reason decides that NOW is the time to go and check his messages. He hears Mel’s dulcet tones ringing throughout the loft, and is like, “Dude. I have a baby.” And then, in what becomes the most overused joke in QaF, Brian hears Justin singing in the shower and says, “Two babies.” Blegh. He’s seventeen, not seven, for goodness sakes!
And despite the fact that Justin is a “baby”, Brian decides that a little shower time is just what the doctor ordered. Apparently Justin is the cure for hangovers. Pretty cool. Do they sell those at my local pharmacy? ‘Cause I’ll take two!
Enter Mikey. Oh, Mikey. Don’t look . It will only make you feel worse about the morning. He gets all snarky with Justin, only it isn’t cute because it’s bordering on mean. And I sort of feel like things were supposed to take the Mikey/Brian turn here in the first twoish eps, partly because of what Justin says when they get out of the loft and Mikey and Brian are sniping at each other. “You sound like my parents fighting.” I cringe. I think Brian does too. I would if I were him. Mikey’s like, “My dreams are coming true! We sound like an old married couple! SCORE!” I am so mean to Mikey. But I can’t help it; it’s fun.
So the old marrieds take the little one to school, where they give him a hard time. You know the drill. Except that they just kind of outed Justin to his whole school, what with the bright pink FAGGOT spray painted on the side of the jeep. Some of the kids get to teasing, but Brian stands up for little Jussy, who is all, “Oh, Bwian, you’re my hewo!” Then Brian starts the brush-off, but first goes through the motions of straightening Justin’s jacket and shirt. Mikey looks uncomfortable through the jacket straightening part, but gleeful when Brian finally gets rid of the kid.
The kid sees his best friend Daphne, who we find out is the one who covered for him while he went out and had his night on the town. He tells her that he has just seen the face of God, and his name is Brian Kinney. Uh-oh.
Meanwhile, Brian and Mikey are discussing Justin. Mikey is happy that he’s gone, Brian is reminiscing over the night and reflecting that the kid almost wore him out. Mikey is suitably shocked. Brian offers to drop him off, Michael declines. Says that Brian needs to get the car repainted before starting work. Brian says no he doesn’t. Fuck ‘em. They can write it in neon across the sky. FAGGOT!!!! He screams this last part, and I find that I like him again. Dammit.