Fandom/Pairing: Well, it's Buffyverse, and it's more Xander wanting Spike but too scared to actually tell anyone that fact than anything else. :D
Summary: Xander's mouth gets him in trouble. Big surprise.
Word Count: 651
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, there would be no Anya, and Buffy? Huh? Who's she?
Oh. My. God. I have done stupid things in my life, oh yes, even some things that at the time seemed a bit beyond stupid, but this...this takes the cake, and trust me, that is saying something.
I know I thought that it would be good for me to tell Willow about my newly discovered maybe-possibly-a-little-bit-gay side, but that was before I actually opened my fat mouth. I decided that it really couldn't hurt to tell Willow what was up with me, as long as I edited out the lusting after the evil undead part. I figured we'd take it one step at a time, let her get accustomed to one wiggy aspect of my life and slowly (or maybe never, that sounds good, too) introduce her to the rest. So I tell her, and she-she...okay, Xan, get a grip, you can do this. Get it all out right now and then hopefully you'll never have to think about it again. Ever. Deep breaths. That's it.
Whew. I almost lost it there. Good thing it takes more than MY BEST FRIEND SINCE FOREVER TELLING ME THAT SHE SUSPECTED I WAS GAY to send the Xand-man over the edge. Nope, no edge here. Oh, God, she wants to set me up with someone from her support group. Willow has a support group. At college. For the gay sex. And now she's gonna talk about me, her 'barely out of the closet' friend Xander, and see if anyone will be 'willing to show me the ropes' of the gay lovin'. She'd be more than happy to show me herself, she said, but really, what would she know about the guy on guy action? It's not as though she finds it, um, hot or anything. And why was she blushing? What part of that talk was humiliating for her? Zero, zip, zilch; that's what part. But I'm okay, really. Not freaking. Nope. I am the picture of cool. Oh, yeah. The very personification of ease and relaxation.
Somebody help me.
What if someone takes her up on her request? What if no one does? What if she describes me wrong and they think I'm the ugliest thing in the world? What if they think that and she describes me right? Oh, hell...what if she brings pictures? I can't let her do this, I can't. It's no good, I'm definately not gay. I've changed my mind. I don't care if I haven't been able to stop thinking about Spike for three weeks. I don't care that my head has been filled with blue eyes and smirk and that stupid sexy British accent. I'll deal with it in my own way...by pretending it isn't happening. It seems to have worked for the not so happy people on our resident Hellmouth regarding all the weird things that happen around here; it could work for me to. Denial, thy name is Xander.
But Willow knows, and if I tell her that I've changed my mind, she'll nod and be supportive and sweet...and then go right ahead and set me up. Oh, she'll try to be a bit more subtle: tell whoever she suckers into this that they should just run into me somewhere and hey, isn't it weird that we're both batting for the same team? Lets go get some brewskies and be manly gay men. So I'm doomed either way...and to be perfectly honest I'd ever so much rather deal with the un-subtle Willow approach-it's slightly less like getting your head bashed in by a two-by-four. I'll just suck it up and deal. Get through the date thing with whatever guy she picks out, then calmly tell her to back off, using the date as proof that I at least tried.
Still, I really wish that when Willow asked me what kind of guy I find attractive, my stupid, annoying, always-gets-me-in-trouble mouth hadn't blurted out, "blond".