- My fanfic writing is shoddy, especially after not picking up the pen (so to speak) in what? Two years? No
- After the above two years, it would be silly for me to start trying to write in an entirely new fandom that already has amazing talent
- Oh yeah, not to mention I have never seen a full episode of the freakin' show. Not a one. Oh, don't get me wrong. I have seen clips, and done the 'watching on fast forward' routine through most of Season 1, AND I know quite a bit of what happens due to reading recaps and Wiki and other LJs, but that does not mean that I have actually taken the time to watch it. Nor will I, because frankly? I find it silly. I know. The Cyberman episode? I was laughing through the entire thing. It's horrible of me, but it's just so bad. Not necessarily the acting, though Jack is so over the top it isn't even funny, but the rest of it. Oh, and the sound quality on the Netflix version is horrible.
So no. No fanfic, no matter what my brain is trying to throw at me. I know nothing of the characters, and it would be so wildly OOC that I just can't. I can't.
But I would like to talk about #3. It would seem from my ranting that there should be no problem, as I don't really like the show, anyway. That is where you would be wrong. It isn't that I don't like the damn thing; it's that I can't be bothered to watch it. I love the premise. I love the aliens/pterosaurs (WEEVILS! MYFANWY! CYBERMEN! [oh, my]). I love the characters that I read about in fanfic and in posts by others (okay, well, not Gwen. But I will get to that! I think). It's just that the more I watch, the less that I like what I see. If that makes sense. Let me try to break this down, first by character, and then we'll see where we end up (maybe).
Characters - Fanon vs Canon
Captain Jack Harkness (or so he says, the liar)
Canon Jack is (from what I can gather/observe) a big fat mess. He was ditched by the Doctor in Whoverse when said Doctor believed him to be dead, but of course did not die due to Rose, another Companion of the Doctor's. As a result of Rose saving him, something changed in Jack and he now cannot die at all. Not by the sword, the bullet, the cliff, the car, or even old age. He's been waiting around for the Doctor to come back for years upon years, marking time by getting a job with the very people who want to hunt his beloved Doc down and riptearkill (or you know, dissect and study. whatever works) and praying that the Rift (break between space/time I think, randomly spits stuff out from other eras/planets) will draw Doc back sooner rather than later (considering it takes the dude til the end of S1 of Torchwood to get around to it, I would say it wound up being laaaaateeer). All the while Jack just keeps on not dying. As a result of this life problem he has gone from Fun, Happy Jack in Who to Brooding on Roofs and Randomly Blowing His Brains Out/Asphyxiating/Throwing Himself Headfirst into Danger and Dying in Torchwood. Also, he is God's Gift to...well...everyone, apparently, as he is from the 51st century and has absolutely no hang ups about sex, whether it be with man, woman, or alien. Jack will sleep with 'em all, and does, I guess, due to his being just so attractive and something about 51st century pheromones. Basically everyone wants in his pants. And I do mean everyone. Eeeeeeveryyyyyyoooooone. And the best thing? They usually get what they want. Because Jackie is a big ol' slut.. It's sort of a mix between awesome and icky. I can't quite make up my mind. I think that I'd hate him. I'd want him, no doubt, but I'd hate him all the same. He has a past that he wont talk about - but we the audience are privy to some of it in flashbacks and such, lucky us (see, I don't know if that is sarcasm or not. My feelings about Jack are very ambivalent. But I will get to that later, dammit!) - and some of it (well, most of it, actually) is very unsavory. At the heart of himself, Jack is not a nice person, though he is good at throwing the smile up and flirting his way out of dealing with his less attractive traits. But Jack also has this great capacity for love, which he tries to shut off but doesn't quite succeed. I think a lot of the issue in Torchwood is Jack trying to be a better person, without allowing himself to become emotionally attached to anyone, and failing.
But here we might actually be entering Fanon!Jack territory. I love Fanon!Jack, nearly unequivocally. This Jack is still a messed up man, and he still does things like commit suicide in every way he knows how in the hope that he might actually die. He is still ruthless when he has to be and he is still capable of holding a gun to the head of one of his employees and demanding that they kill the monster that their girlfriend has become, or else. He's also still a big ol' slut. Yet in Fanon he rises above that. In fanon, Jack becomes a man who is running from his endless ability for love, and is unable to do so. I don't believe that of Canon!Jack. I think that Torchwood is very big on telling, not showing. Some other character decides that Jack is a certain way, they say it, and we the audience are supposed to believe it, even though Jack himself has shown nothing to back it up. Canon!Jack wants one thing and one thing only: the Doctor. Nothing else matters. Trust me, if the Doc hadn't pretty much called Jack a freak when he found out about his immortality problems, Jack never would have come back. If he hadn't spent a year being tortured by the Master, he never would have given a second thought for the people that he left behind. Fanon!Jack needs the answers the Doctor can provide, but despite wanting to stay, he doesn't, because he realizes that there are people he loves that won't always be around, although he and his Doctor will be. Fanon!Jack really does return for love. I also love the way that (most) fanon!jack loves Ianto, while I don't buy that he even cares about the poor guy all that much in canon. I am pretty sure that Canon!Jack looks at Canon!Ianto as a warm body who not only sleeps with (and cleans up after) the boss, he also makes delicious coffee when he's done. But more on that later.
Bottom line: Canon!Jack = charming sociopath wreaking havoc on the lives of regular people while waiting for the love of his life, leaving nothing but misery and destruction and broken relationships in his wake. Fanon!Jack = guy who made a lot of wrong turns in his life, but is trying to get back on the right track, and is relearning how to love along the way. Occasionally making mistakes, but wanting to change so badly, before it's too late. And falling in love with a sexy Welshman along the way (because really, how much better would everyone's life be with a sexy Welshman? I rest my case)!
My Personal Feelings: John Barrowman is very nice to look at (great teeth, seriously), and when he lets his wonderful Scottish accent out to play he's even more attractive. In that sense, Canon!Jack is great. In the rest of it, I will most likely have to pass on Canon!Jack. Oddly enough my favorite C!Jack moments are when he allows his inner psychopath to take over, most notably for me in "Cyberwoman" when he threatens Ianto and in "Countrycide" when he threatens one of the townsfolk (i think) while trying to find his team. In the latter, his accent actually slips for a little bit (which was a shocker, to be honest I didn't even know he was Scottish until I saw him in an interview where he pulled out the accent), and that makes it even more hot. I also like him in his speech to Ianto in "To the Last Man" when he says that he wouldn't go home if he could, because he's known and loved people that he never would have if he had only stayed where he was. But I think I love that more for Ianto's lovesick reaction than anything else, because again, I don't think that C!Jack loved Ianto, not really. As I said, I love F!Jack almost completely and totally, and prefer him to C!Jack every time, though I will leave both of them when it comes to Jack/Gwen. No. Seriously, no.
ETA 1: Okay, so after watching most of the episodes of S1-2 (I refuse to watch CoE, sorry), I might have been too hard on Cap'n Jack. Maybe. But only a little. Still can't stand his panting after Gwen. Still wish Ianto had kicked him to the curb and found himself a nice boy/girl/alien (part of me would have loved to see some Ten/Ianto interaction. Mmmmmm. And now I never will. *sad face*). But I might be persuaded to take back the "the only person Jack loves is Jack" thing. Unless I watch CoE. Do you see why it is just better all around if I stay far, far away from that season?
ETA 2: Changed my mind again. I loathe him. Completely. Utterly. I just...you either have to not care about Ianto or really, really like the idea of Gwen and Jack or Jack and the Doctor not to dislike him, I'm thinking. And I love Ianto, so I was never going to be able to stomach Jack. That's just the way it is. He's still incredibly hot in that coat, though. Yes.
Gwennie is transferred into Torchwood from the regular police force in Cardiff. I guess that she is supposed to serve as Jack's moral compass/humanity. I don't know. I honestly don't like her, but I will admit that this irrational dislike probably stems from my love of Jack/Ianto and knowing deep in my gut that the endgame for this show is going to be Jack/Gwen. I find her a bit whiny, and I don't appreciate the "it's all about me, even when it is clearly not about me" schtick that she pulls with Jack (okay, I only really have one example of this, and that is in "Cyberwoman" when she asks Jack that if she had stood with Ianto, would he have shot her. Seriously, in that moment all I wanted to do was step through my screen and throttle her whilst screaming "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, WOMAN! THIS IS NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH JACK WUVS YOU AND HOW HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY KILL YOU BECAUSE HE CAN'T BEAR TO LOSE YOU! AUGHHH!"). I also wasn't fond of the whole "cheating on her boyfriend with Owen" thing, but I did like that she admitted that she wasn't in any position to throw stones to Tosh after the deal with the necklace and Mary and all that in "Greeks Bearing Gifts". I can deal with Gwen better in fanon, but really only as a supporting character, and then only if she is there for Ianto. I think it is pretty obvious by now who my favorite is, and I will make no apologies for it. It is sometimes fun in Fanon when she is the evil woman trying to get Jack away from Ianto, but not too often. I also like when she is the supportive younger sister to Jack, rather than the FEMALE LOVE OF HIS LIFE OHMYGOD.
ETA 1: It has also come to me that I probably irrationally dislike Gwen because it is obvious that I am supposed to love her. After all, every character who meets her falls for her, so why shouldn't I? I shouldn't because I have never been the type to like someone just because everyone else does, and I also feel that when a creator falls in love with their creation, they can no longer be trusted. Because everything will have to come back to that creation/character in the end; and because soon enough they become a parody of themselves/a Mary Sue. Which makes me dislike the character by default. Not particularly logical or fair, but that is the way it is.
He is Torchwood's doctor, and I'm not going to lie, I kind of love both versions of him. He's bad tempered, surly, and a huge prick, but he really doesn't try to hide any of the above. Even though he is mean to my Ianto, it isn't as though he pulls any punches with the rest of the team, and he gets bonus points for possibly being the only team member who doesn't want a piece of The Harkness. Go, Owen! For that, he will always be in my heart (even though they killed him off in S2 - aaaaall part of the endgame, my friends).
Possibly the most genuinely likeable character on the show, she is more concerned with tech than anything else. She has a couple of relationships, but they go bust, which sucks for her, because she's pretty freaking cool. Love her mostly in fanon, as she isn't really fleshed out all too much in the show, and I love that most of the fanfic writers I read for this series feel that she and Ianto would be besties. In my opinion, even though Gwen is supposed to be the one who is most attached and receptive to her humanity, it is really Tosh who holds on to the most of hers, which is why she gets hurt so easily by other people. She also dies in S2. *sigh*
My favorite, both in and out of canon. We don't learn much about Ianto in canon, unfortunately, but what we do know is kind of awesome. Sound off (in no particular order):
- He makes the best cup of coffee in Cardiff, maybe even Wales. Maybe the world.
- He looks damn good in a suit, and fobs off Jack's flirtation easily
- Single-handedly organized and maintained Torchwood 3's archives
- Has a pet pterosaur
- Was willing to sacrifice himself so that Tosh could get free in "Countrycide"
- Cleans up Jack's suicide messes without killing the Captain again for being a jackass
- Generally puts up with too much from Jack
- Oh, yeah, managed to hide his CYBERWOMAN GIRLFRIEND in the hub with no one the wiser until she went all crazy and tried to kill everybody.
- Punched Jack in the face. Everyone who does that gets a little bit of love from me.
There's probably stuff that I am missing, but that'll do for now. It covers what I have bothered to watch, at any rate. These are all great resons to love Ianto, but mostly I love him because he hurts my heart. This poor guy just wasn't going to get a happy ending, and it sucked. He loses his first job at Torchwood One because it is attacked and nearly everybody dies, then has to pretty much beg and cheat his way into becoming a janitor/secretary at Torchwood 3 (he probably only got the job because he didn't succumb to The Hotness that is Jack Harkness when they were chasing down/capturing Myfanwy and Jack wanted time to rectify that) so that he can try and save his girlfriend from becoming a monster - in the process inadvertently turning her into one and forcing his coworkers to kill her. As if that isn't enough, after that he gets involved with his sociopathic immortal boss who is clearly just using him while the poor boy falls deeper and deeper into love. He is left by that same boss without a goodbye, only to have him return and expect that everything will go back to how it was. And he forgives and forgets, because he is an idiot to beat all idiots, only to watch as this man that he loves falls all over himself for everyone other than him. After that fun, he dies (conveniently taking out one of the last quasi obstacles to the obvious endgame of Jack/Gwen), confessing his love, while Jack tries to squeeze a tear or two out for his benefit but is probably really just grateful that Ianto's death is saving him from a very awkward "this isn't what you think it is" conversation in the future.
I love Fanon!Ianto because he can give us any backstory we want, due to lack of fleshing out in the series. I also love Fanon!Ianto because there, he can have a backbone. Every time C!Jack treats him like crap and C!Ianto just rolls over and takes it I want to cry/kick him in the pants. When he told Owen in "End of Days" that he was more than Jack's "part-time shag", that Jack "need[ed] him", I was so sad, because I knew better. I approved wholeheartedly of his standoffishness to Jack in the office scene of "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang", only I rather felt that he shouldn't have accepted the date at all. I wanted Ianto to have a nice, normal boyfriend/girlfriend/alien, not one who didn't care about him and only thought of him as a convenient bit on the side while they pined away for the people they really loved.
And now, before I lose steam, OTPs! (assume that all OTPs are Fanon only, because I can't ship Jack with anybody and feel good about it in Canon and I hate the way these people treat each other romantically)
I have said it before, I love reading these two. I would love them in canon, too, except that Jack sucks. I think that Ianto deserves beter than canon!jack, but I love how they love each other in fic. I dig me some jealous Jack, though I tend to run from jealous Ianto like the plague, because with Jack, it's not so much a possibility as a question of when. It's probably my "21st century hang-up", but I like the idea of, if not sexual monogamy, emotional. The angst lover in me craves fic set after Ianto dies where Jack falls apart, while the romantic in me absolutely adores Jack and Ianto in love. Plus the angst bitch loves all the potential from "Cyberwoman" and the h/c junkie adores codas to "Countrycide". Also, snarky!Ianto for the win!
Yes, you read that right. I said the Doctor/Ianto. Prefer Ten, because that was David Tennant's Doctor, and I love him in all his pointy glory and think that watching him and - *Googles* - Gareth David-Lloyd make out in character would be hot (yes, I am in fact that shallow. Deep end of the pool is not for me!), but will take any of them. I might be one of the only people who doesn't want Jack and the Doctor to hop into bed together. I get that Jack is in love, or whatever, but it's an obsessive thing, and besides, there's the whole "fixed point in time/freak/wrong" thing and also the whole Rose thing. While yes, there is the potential for maximum angst it's not something I want to see. Maybe if I had come into this fandom from Doctor Who it would be different, but I know nothing of that show except the whole regeneration thing and that David Tennant played the tenth Doctor, which as I may have mentioned I only know because I think he's hot, despite his pointiness. ANYWAY, Ianto and the Doctor. I think that the good Doc, as he is portrayed in fanon (which is pretty much the only way I know him), would be great for Ianto: happy, carefree, bouncy, he could pull Ianto out of his reserved little shell and expand his horizons. And I think that Ianto would absolutely love being able to go out and experience whole other worlds and times. It would do his nerdy little heart good. Also, I think Ianto would be good as a calming influence...and if he were around, the Doctor might actually stick around and help clean the messes he makes when he travels. Maybe. Plus he'd keep the TARDIS all shiny and keep the Doctor plied with tea. Win-win. For that matter, I think that the TARDIS, after being made spic-n-span by Ianto would ship him with the Docter, herself, just to keep him around. :)
So you know how in every fandom there seems to be the bicycle character that gets paired with everybody? Yeah, for me that is Ianto. I think that these two would have awesome hate!sex. All snarly and bitey and bruising and ripping. Hot. Yes, please. And then Owen could slyly drop a hint to Jack that maybe his tea boy isn't his, after all. Just to be an ass. And then Jack gets all jealous and growly and Ianto is all, no, Jack, you don't actually own me any more than I own you and Jack screams back well that's just great considering you do own me, you stupid Welsh bastard, and then they make up right there and Owen gets pissy and talks about disinfecting the entirety of his lab. Yes. Or hate!sex that somehow turns into something more only neither of them realizes it until it's too late to do anything about it. Yep. Bonus points if it's Owen who throws up the white flag first, all "FINE! I GIVE UP. I LOVE YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
As those friends who love each other but not in that special way but go to bed together when they want some physical release. Non angsty. Just happy friends who help each other out when needed.
You know, when she isn't treating him like shit and cheating on him, telling him that she cheated and then retconning him to make him forget. That kind of thing.
Pairings I will Loathe Until the End of Time
Pretty much just Jack/Gwen. I know that C!Jack is apparently in love with her, which makes me want to throw up as I honestly don't see a romantic connection and I seem to be one of the few people who think that it is atrocious how she treats her poor live-in-boyfriend-turned-husband Rhys. I am pretty sure that this new atrocity that we are being given through Starz will have Rhys die or do something awful so that poor (justified, of course) Gwennie leaves him, and then she and Jack will live happily ever after together and he will magically turn mortal again because their wuv is so twue and he just can't bear to LIVE if she DIES. *retch* I can buy these two as friends but the thought of them getting together romantically makes me want to put out my eyes.
ETA 1: So. After further thoughts I have decided that my dislike of this pairing went to brutal hatred after "Something Borrowed". Woman is MARRIED now, Cap'n. Stop sniffing around her and step. Off. It's funny, even though I personally believe that marriage is outdated, and will never enter into the practice myself, I do get very upset about the cheating. Yes, even in shows. *shakes head at self* I will say that I am beginning to think that rather than their love being the TRUEST LOVE OF ALL TIME, it is more wanting what they can't have. I think that when something finally does happen to Rhys (you know, when they kill him and only let the actor playing him know by contracting him until he bites it, or when they assassinate his character so that Gwen doesn't have to get smeared by leaving him), the two of them will hook up hard core, and it wont work. Because they both want a fantasy person that just doesn't exist. Jack wants Gwen because he feels like she is making him more human; she cares about the motivations behind people's actions and he thinks that it means that she is the heart. He flat out ignores all the things that show her to be just as selfish and damaged as the rest of his team so that it fits in with his view of her. Gwen sees Jack as the prince in her own special fairytale, with aliens. She sees him sweeping around in his (admittedly quite awesomely sexy) coat, saving the day and smelling really good while he does it. Granted, she does get glimpses of the human underneath, but that only serves to make her become more caught up in the story she's telling herself. You know the one: cold-hearted, damaged man meets caring, compassionate woman and she breaks through his walls to find the creamy center that was there all along, just waiting for her. That is not how this story is going to play out. In this story, the prince's creamy center is actually being saved for a man in a blue box, and the fair maiden is just the way that the prince convinces himself that he's not actually a bad guy; that that creamy center does in fact exist at all. What they both forget is that when Jack was human, he was an asshole. Most of the things that Jack did that he regrets are memories from the time before he became immortal and discovered he'd be kicking around the universe forever. This "romance" can only end in tears, but goodness knows it will probably be dragged out long enough to make even the most diehard Gwen/Jack fans want to claw their own eyes out in self-defense. The only consolation I have in this is that I won't have to watch it. :) And I will never, ever listen to cast interviews about their character's motivations again. EVER.
ETA 2: WARNING: SPOILERS FOR MIRACLE DAY and excessive use of CAPSlock HAH! I was RIGHT!!! JACKIE-BOY IS MORTAL in Miracle Day! Bwahahahaha! Now Rhys is going to BITE IT and Gwen and Jack are going to make SWEET, SWEET MORTAL LOVE because they are MEANT2B4EVAHNEVAH! Oh, hee. I am going to read recaps of this show and giggle madly when I am sleep deprived and scowl madly when I have all my faculties, but nothing, no power in the known universe, will EVER incite me to watch this piece of utter drivel. *still cackling rather madly* Those two krazy kids deserve each other, if you ask me. Which you didn't. But I don't care.
Yes. Those are my thoughts on Torchwood, which you didn't ask for and which I really shouldn't be broadcasting, considering. But when has that ever stopped me?
No Title, Damn You
Rating: Does "stupid" count as a valid rating? No? PG, then, if I must pick one.
Summary: In which Ianto grows a spine, Jack pines, Gwen is in photos, and everyone is wildly OOC (except possibly for pining!jack)
Disclaimer: Seriously? I am pretty sure RTD wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole...which makes me strangely happy. Not mine. Just playing. Badly.
Jack was in his office when Ianto found him, staring at a picture of Gwen and generally looking like a mopey arsehole. Ianto stared for a minute, eyebrows raised, and made a decision.
“That settles it. I am done.”
Jack’s head snapped up, and irritation flared briefly in his eyes before he gave a big fake smile and opened his mouth, probably to deliver a patented Jack Harkness Come On. Ianto didn't let him get that far.
“In a normal situation I would give two weeks notice, but this really isn't a normal situation is it? I rather feel that considering how things are run here, simply telling you that I don't intend to return to work here will be enough of a resignation.” Jack gaped, speechless, and Ianto smirked. This was a rare sight indeed. He didn't have very long to savor it, however, for the Captain shortly recovered his faculties. “What brought this on, if I might ask?” his eyes darted briefly to the picture again. Ianto rolled his eyes.
“Gwen’s wedding tonight made me realize something. I want a relationship. A proper one, not what we’ve been doing.” Jack flinched slightly, glancing away. “I asked you-“ he started, defensive, but was cut off by Ianto’s impatient scoff.
“Yes, yes. You did. And I accepted. But we never went on that date, did we, sir?” The captain had the grace to look slightly guilty at this, and Ianto nodded, satisfied, and continued, “But that isn’t what I meant. I don’t want a proper relationship with you.” Eyebrows went up at Jack’s disbelieving stare. “Don’t give me that look, sir. We’re horrible for each other. Leaving out the fact that you seem to enjoy pining after Gwen now even though you could have had her any time you wanted before you left, our history doesn’t really lend itself to any sort of healthy relationship. First, we have you. You and your inability to commit or talk about anything of importance with anyone, your eagerness to try and kill yourself in new and interesting ways, your torch for the Doctor, and your liability to take off whenever he comes calling. Not to mention your increasingly psychotic string of exes that keep showing up at the most inconvenient times, or your propensity for falling hard and fast for the nearest pretty face, but never actually committing to any of them. You, Jack, are master of the grand gesture, but as an actual, honest-to-goodness boyfriend, you’re rather lacking.” Ianto’s mouth quirked as he took in Jack’s gobsmacked expression. “Then we have me. For my part, I had absolutely no problem with lying to you for months about Lisa, and for the record, if sleeping with you had actually been required to make sure she wasn’t found, I’d have done it without a moment’s thought. I also betrayed you during that whole Abaddon fiasco. Both of which led to death for you. Whether I regretted it afterwards hardly matters. The point is that I shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I can’t expect fidelity from you and you can’t trust me not to get you killed; is there really any point in pretending?”
Jack didn’t answer. “I didn’t think so. I do love you, sir, but the truth is that if we stay on this course, it will not end well. I will betray you yet again, or worse, turn into some sort of pathetic mess at the thought of you leaving me, and one of us will end up dead…and unlike you, if I am the one that dies, I won’t be getting back up. I can't stay here and not sleep with you, because the two of us have absolutely no self control when it comes to sex, apparantly. That combined with the secrecy of the job and the shortened life span due to the same make this less than an ideal environment for me to meet a nice someone and settle down. My only real option is to make a life elsewhere, and that is what I fully intend to do.” Ianto straightened, and brushed invisible lint off of his suit. “Well, I suppose this is it, then. I have left very specific instructions on how to operate the coffee machine for whoever wants to take up the duty until you can find a suitable replacement. I have also made an itemized list of everything in the archives and posted it on the wall. Do try and keep it neat for as long as possible; it took forever to file everything. When I get back to my flat I will take enough Retcon to forget the past two years, so no need to worry about that.”
Jack stood, mouth twisting into a half-grin. “Guess you’ve thought of everything, huh, Ianto?” He moved around his desk and took the Welshman’s face in his hands, cradling his head for a moment before he brought their lips together in a soft kiss. “I will miss you, and for what it’s worth I do love you, in my way.”
Ianto reached up and pulled Jack’s hands from his face, giving them a small squeeze. “I know. Jack, will you promise me something?”
“Have Tosh make the coffee. The rest of you are pants at it and she’s the only one I trust with my machine.”
Jack laughed. “Done.”
With one last smile, Ianto let go of Jack’s and turned around, walking through the door and out of his life. Jack let out a sigh and went back to his desk. Sitting down he picked up the photo of Gwen and began to brood over it once more.